


not shy of a spark

by ieatravioli



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, M/M, Sexual Content, i dont know what this is, louis is a needy little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:13:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ieatravioli/pseuds/ieatravioli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>so the prompt for this was a picture of a little art palette with paint all over it and suddenly we have an au where the five of them work in a shopping centre (mall)</p><p>zayn works in an art shop and pines over liam while louis pines over harry and niall has a crisis of sexuality when josh comes along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not shy of a spark

Zayn pulls into the only empty space in the car park in a cloud of smoke. He considers asking his boss for a raise to buy a car that is older than his dad and will not have everyone in the area choking on fumes but he laughs at the thought. 

After using all of his strength to wrestle the car door closed, he turns and looks up at the huge sign ‘Woodlands Shopping Centre’. Today it is sunny out and the rays bounce off the dreary sign and shine right in Zayn’s eyes. He is already late but he risks a cigarette before traipsing inside. 

“You’re late” Dave, his boss, sighs when Zayn walks inside the art supply shop in his usual slump. 

“Sorry” Zayn grumbles but he doesn’t mean it, Dave knows that and he snorts in Zayn’s direction. 

“A shelf collapsed last night” Dave hands him a mop and smirks, cocking an eyebrow towards the back of the shop. Zayn grabs the mop and stalks over to where there is a colourful mess splattered all over the ground. 

There is paint everywhere and he should be annoyed but he can’t help but stare at the colourful pattern on the ground and smile as he begins to clean it up. 

**red**

Red is Louis, Zayn decides when he wrings out the mop and watches different shades of crimson float down the drain. 

Because red reminds Zayn of passion, anger, intensity, love. Everything that also reminds him of Louis. 

Louis is his best friend who works in the clothing shop on the opposite side of Zayn’s workplace on the second floor. He loves it but tries to act like he hates it. He loves it because he mostly works in the fitting rooms and secretly enjoys either perving on or judging every single person that comes in to try on clothes. 

“You should’ve seen this girl this morning; she tried on that floral pink dress I was telling you about. So disgusting” he sneers as they both tuck into their lunch. They sit at their usual table against the window outside Gina’s Cafe. It has become a tradition in the past year of working together, everyone knows it is _their_ table. 

“You’re so gay” Zayn snorts into his soup and flinches when Louis flicks his nose. 

“You’re one to talk. Have you seen what Liam is wearing today?” Louis comments, eyeing Zayn closely over the rim of his glass.

“What are you on about?” Zayn says but his cheeks start to colour and Louis smirks. 

“Lads, you have to pay today, the boss is getting suspicious” Niall interrupts their conversation and Zayn could almost hug him. Louis is in a mischievous mood and the conversation would have taken an embarrassing turn for Zayn. 

“Sure” Zayn grins and hands Niall the correct amount of cash, hoping that in paying for Louis’ lunch he will leave him alone. 

When Gina steps out of the office, Niall runs back inside and behind the counter to put the cash in the register. 

“I’ve to get back” Louis stands up “but trust me, Liam’s trousers are tight as hell” he adds before grinning madly at Zayn and skipping back over to the clothes shop. 

Zayn groans and waves inside the window at Niall before leaving the empty bowls and glasses on the table and returning back to work himself. 

He walks the long way around, so as to avoid walking past the sports shop Liam works in. He knows he will end up staying there for more than his lunch break allows, probably staring at Liam’s arse if Louis is in any way right. 

He returns to his mopping, having got rid of most of the spillage but Dave wants the floor absolutely spotless. 

**green**

Green reminds Zayn of Niall. It’s stereotypical but it might be because he is Irish. Or maybe because Gina’s Café is painted green. It could also do with the fact that Niall’s head is almost always covered with a green snapback with his name on it. Something which Zayn thought at first was pretentious but once he saw Niall smile he knew the boy was far from it. 

Green is natural, carefree, refreshing. That’s what Niall is. He’s real and Zayn cannot think of anyone he loves spending time with more. If you need to sit in silence, Niall will gladly sit there with you, no awkwardness, he’s just _there_. If you need a laugh, Niall’s jokes are corny but the way he laughs at himself will make you laugh even harder. And if you need a drink; Niall is definitely the one to turn to. 

“So, have you seen Liam today?”

Zayn gapes at his friend who is focusing too hard on cleaning a table, avoiding Zayn’s stare. 

“You’ve been spending too much time with Louis” he sighs and catches Niall’s cheeky smile. 

“I’m just curious! He was asking about you earlier” Niall says and his grin is brighter than the fluorescent lights of the shopping centre. 

“What was he saying?” Zayn can’t help but ask and groans when he thinks of how Louis would react if he was here. 

“Just asking if you were working today because he hadn’t seen you” Niall shrugs but he looks smug so Zayn hits him a thump in the arm. 

“Do you ever work?” Niall asks, looking over Zayn’s shoulder to where Dave must be glaring in Zayn’s direction. 

“It’s boring” Zayn answers simply but Dave’s eyes are boring into him so he sighs before exiting the café with a complimentary mint melting on his tongue. 

“You’re pushing your luck, Malik” Dave warns when Zayn walks past him to fix the shelf. Zayn shrugs, ignoring the older man and getting to work. 

He strolls into the supply room to get new paint to put on the shelf, taking note of what colours are nearly out that he’ll need to order. 

He ignores a customer in order to put the paint back on the shelf and sniggers when Dave shoots him daggers and walks over to deal with her himself. 

**purple**

Purple is Harry. Because Zayn’s not quite sure how he feels about purple. And he’s not quite sure what he thinks of Harry. 

Harry is new and Zayn always finds new shades of purple, no matter how much he works at painting. Harry is wild and so is violet. But Harry makes him smile. It’s hard not to smile when Harry Styles is around. Lilac makes Zayn smile because it is his mother’s favourite colour. He also makes him jealous. Jealousy is a murky raspberry colour in Zayn’s mind and that’s what Harry’s colour is.

Because before Harry, Louis was Zayn’s and Zayn’s alone. He hates himself for thinking it because Louis was never _his_ technically. But he liked to know that Louis was only happy with him and that makes him selfish and a bad person but he can’t help it.

It’s hard not to want to be the only one who has Louis’ attention. 

“Harry’s dimple is weird” Louis comments when Zayn finally yanks open the passenger door for him and they clamber inside. 

“What?” Zayn snaps because he is tired and not in the mood for Louis to be coy. 

“Well it is” Louis grumbles, looking over at Zayn who is frowning and grumpy. 

“Whatever” Zayn rolls down the window and lights a fag. 

“Jesus what the fuck is your problem?” Louis mutters and Zayn’s heart lurches guiltily because he knows he is being irrational. 

So he drives them home and kisses Louis the moment they walk inside their flat and fucks him minutes later so he doesn’t have to hear about Harry again. 

/

“I’m thinking of buying a record player” Louis says when Zayn appears in the morning, still half asleep and mumbling about pulling a sickie. 

“I think it would be a nice addition to our lavish sitting room” Louis continues when Zayn pours himself a mug of coffee. 

“Lavish” Zayn repeats, thinking about the old sofa, easel and tiny television which is all their sitting room compiles of.

“Yeah, then we can buy records every now and again” Louis sighs.

Zayn’s mind may be sleep deprived but he puts two and two together. 

“You just want to buy stuff off Harry” he points his mug accusingly at Louis who tries his best to act surprised but fails. 

“Yeah… I know” he sighs dramatically and flops against the chair. 

Zayn pushes his jealousy aside. “Just talk to him for god sake”.

“What?! Are you mad? He’ll laugh at me for being so… I don’t even know him… what if… no” Louis panics and if Zayn wasn’t so tired, he would laugh at how adorable Louis can be sometimes. 

“Stop being a pussy”

“You talk to Liam then” Louis challenges, glad of the subject change but the blush remains on his cheeks.

“I do”

“Hello and goodbye don’t count”

“Whatever”

“You’re late” 

“Whatever”

/

“You’re late” 

It is becoming a mantra and Zayn almost asks Dave why he hasn’t fired him yet. Instead he takes the paintbrush Dave holds out to him. 

“We need a new piece for the window” Dave says and Zayn bites down on a pleased smile. His last piece must have been sold. 

He gladly rushes over to the acrylic section and picks out a medley of colours, thousands of ideas rushing through his head. 

When he paints, he is in his element. Especially when he has a great idea. But now, he spends hours idly brushing at the white canvas without any inspiration. 

“Am I interrupting?” he hears a voice from behind him and its warm and smiling and Zayn shivers before turning around. 

Liam is standing there with a sandwich in his hand and a bottle of Coke in the other. 

“Niall sent me over with food because apparently you missed lunch” he adds when Zayn doesn’t speak. 

“Oh, thanks” Zayn grumbles and panics about how he looks; he must be covered in paint. He puts down the pallet and brush and takes the plate of food, not realising how hungry he was until just now. 

“That’s good” Liam points at the canvas, eyes jumping when Zayn’s fingers brush off his own. 

“It’s… nothing. I don’t even know what it is” Zayn says, embarrassed at his own work and the way Liam is smiling at it like it _is_ something. 

“I’m sure you’ll turn it into something, I always like your work” Liam says, turning a bright shade of red and Zayn swears his heart explodes. 

“Anyway, I better go back to work. I have a new kid starting that I have to help. Josh something?” Liam mumbles and starts backing out of the shop, lips curved into an awkward smile that Zayn can’t help but return. 

After his late lunch the door swings open again and Zayn groans when he hears a sassy comment or two regarding the smell of the shop. 

“I thought it was your day off” Zayn says, cursing when his hand shakes, causing a streak of blue to dart across the canvas. 

“I was bored at home” 

“So you came to work”

“This is not work, this is _your_ work”

“Yes, where I am actually _working_ \- go annoy someone else”

He turns around and Louis is staring at him. He looks like he has dressed up and looks… shy. It puts Zayn on edge.  
“Why do you look nice?” 

Louis snorts and plays with a button on his denim shirt, making a funny face at Zayn.

“I’m taking your advice”

“My advice?” 

“I’m going to talk to Harry Styles today” Louis announces like he is stating he’s going to try and break a world record. 

Zayn turns back to his painting before Louis can read his expression. But apparently his body language is enough.

“Jesus, Zayn you are easier to read than GQ magazine! What’s your problem with Harry?” 

Zayn bristles. He doesn’t have a problem with Harry. He doesn’t. At least he doesn’t _want_ to have one. 

“I don’t have a problem with Harry” he answers, trying to relax his shoulders and focus on the painting. 

“Then what is it?” Louis’ voice softens and Zayn hates himself because of the way that makes him feel. 

“Nothing, I’m just annoyed with this painting it all”

His lie is a weak one and he hears Louis sigh before he exits the shop, leaving Zayn in a thick silence.

/

 

**blue**

Blue is sadness. 

Zayn paints over the whole canvas and his day’s work in a dark blue, almost navy colour. He covers everything. He nearly covers himself in it. 

He is sad because he is confused. He wants Liam. He is pretty sure everyone in the entire world apart from Liam knows it. But he doesn’t want to give Louis up. He and Louis are best friends. They fuck sometimes. He loves Louis more than anyone but he doesn’t want to share him. 

It’s wrong. It’s frustrating. It’s sad. 

Louis should be happy, Louis deserves to be happy. But the last time Louis fell in love, Zayn spent four long months with Louis tucked into his neck every night, crying most of the time until they both fell asleep. After that, Zayn was the only person who made Louis truly happy and Zayn convinced himself it was always going to be that way.

When he walks out of the shop and starts to lock up, he has to deal with the fact that that might have to change. Louis’ laugh can be heard from the first floor and once Zayn locks the door he walks over to the railing and peeps down. 

Harry is walking out of the music shop he recently started working in and Louis is following him like a puppy. They’re both laughing and it’s hard for Zayn not to smile at the sight. It’s cute. 

“See you around?” Louis asks, biting on his lip nervously and Zayn can’t make out what Harry says but it must be good because Louis lights up. He glows beautifully like that.  
Zayn sighs, prepping himself for a giddy Louis and makes his way out to the car where he knows the older boy will be waiting for him.

Louis is silent in the car which surprises Zayn but he is jumping around and singing along with whatever is on the radio. 

“I heard you were talking to Liam today”

“I saw you talking to Harry today”

Louis grins at him and Zayn has to return it. 

“Let’s go out tonight” Louis announces, grabbing his phone, probably to text whoever is in his contacts about whatever plan he has in store. 

/

Maybe it’s the three shots of tequila but Zayn finds himself comfortably wedged between Liam and Niall in a booth in the club they all went to. He’s even talking to Liam without stuttering or hating himself. It’s a new experience. 

“I invited Josh, if that’s ok?” Liam says to everyone but Louis is too busy looking out for Harry and Niall is too busy downing his fourth pint. 

“Who?” Zayn asks, vaguely recalling hearing Liam mention the name earlier. 

“He’s new, started today in the shop. He’s really nice so far” Liam smiles and Zayn sometimes cannot handle how genuine Liam really is. 

As if on cue, Harry’s head of curls can be seen emerging through the crowd and he has a smaller dark blonde guy tucked into his side. 

“This is Josh” Harry announces with a smile too wide for Zayn’s liking. So instead he focuses on the new guy who is smiling shyly at everyone. Harry introduces him and Josh waves awkwardly at them each in turn. Zayn feels Niall tense up beside him and when he glances at him, he notices Niall’s cheeks are a fiery red colour. 

“Hi Niall” Josh grins cheekily in Niall’s direction, giving everyone the impression that the two already know each other. 

“I need a drink” Niall chokes, diving under the table and crawling out between their legs and towards the bar. 

Zayn stares after him, keen to avoid the way Louis is looking up at Harry because it might possibly induce a stomach ulcer. 

“Thanks for inviting me” Harry smiles down at Louis and Zayn swears his best friend has a heart attack. 

“N-no problem” Since when did Louis Tomlinson stutter?

After another tequila shot on Zayn’s part, two more pints on Niall’s and three more Jägerbombs for Louis, the three of them are an absolute mess. 

“I…. I can’t believe he works with Li now” Niall slurs, pointing his empty glass in Josh’s direction who is sitting with Harry and Liam like he already fits in. 

“Who is he?” Louis asks, giggling despite Niall’s frown. 

“I sucked his dick on St Patrick’s Day”

Zayn and Louis both squawk and Zayn nearly chokes on whatever saliva was left in his mouth. Niall liked girls. Or so they thought. 

“I was drunk and horny and full of Irish cheer” Niall tries to explain when they both just stare at him in silence. 

“So you sucked a guy’s dick?” 

“I also fucked a girl that night?” Niall tries but Louis and Zayn just level him with what they hope is a stern look. 

“Leave me alone, ok!” Niall begins to turn rosy, a sign that Zayn and Louis don’t take lightly. 

“Ok but… it’s just kind of shocking” Zayn holds his hands up defensively. 

Niall rolls his eyes, quickly ordering a new drink keen to avoid the subject. Josh starts to make his way towards the bar and Niall quickly finishes his pint, pushing past Josh whose mouth was forming the start of a question. 

Everyone watches as Niall makes his way to the dance floor, grabbing a small brunette girl by the hips and swinging her towards the corner. Josh frowns but shakes his head, forcing a smile and offering to buy Zayn and Louis a drink. 

“I’m going to kiss Harry” Louis announces when he finishes his shot, causing Josh and Zayn to splutter on their own. They can only stare helplessly after Louis as he shoves past people to find Harry who had made his way to the dance floor. 

“Is _everyone_ gay?” Josh laughs, eying Zayn who is staring at Liam playing with his nearly empty glass of Coke. 

“Pretty much now that we know Niall sucked you off” Zayn says, blushing when he realises what he said. Thankfully Josh takes it lightly and laughs.

“I would ask you to dance but you seem pretty intent on Liam” Zayn hears Josh say from his side. 

Zayn _is_ intent on Liam. The way he sits on his own at the booth, not caring that he is alone and smiling at all the drunk people that pass him. The way he smiles is enough for Zayn, the crinkles at the side of his eyes causing Zayn’s heart to pang painfully. 

“No. Let’s dance” he grumbles, grabbing Josh’s hand and leading him towards the dance floor. 

Josh looks surprised but seems too drunk to care, pressing up against Zayn when Zayn drags him towards the middle of the floor. They stay like that for a few songs, just dancing. But once Zayn feels the alcohol and music coursing through him, he can’t help but look at Josh through hooded eyes. He is cute, small and blonde, but stocky. Quite like Niall. 

Niall who is standing near them, rolling his hips against the brunette who is biting her lip and staring up at him hungrily. It makes Zayn’s stomach pool with heat and it gets worse when he sees how Josh is also staring at the dancing couple. Zayn, fuelled by alcohol and something akin to jealousy, rolls his own hips and if the music wasn’t so loud he would hear Josh gasp. 

Before anything more can happen, a familiar flick of brown hair storms through the dance floor, a path moving out of the way for what only be described as the hurricane that is Louis. Zayn follows the path to where Louis had been and spots Harry kissing a man much older than him. With a sigh, he pinches Josh’s hip in apology and follows Louis off the dance floor.

He finds him slumped at the table beside a worried looking Liam. 

“I’ll take him home” Zayn says, ignoring Liam’s sympathetic looks and grabs Louis by the waist, hauling him out to grab a taxi. 

He is silent the whole way, just the odd whimper and burp, sometimes a drunken giggle but the air is thick. Zayn sobers up quicker than he would have liked when he practically drags Louis up the stairs and into the apartment. 

“Why does nobody like me, Zayn?” Louis asks when Zayn takes his shoes off. 

“I like you” Zayn mutters, trying not to let Louis’ soft tone break his heart. 

“Yeah but you’re supposed to like me, you’re my best friend” Louis says against his elbow, lifting his hips so Zayn can take his jeans off for him. 

“Loads of people like you, Louis, stop being dramatic” Zayn sighs, pulling the covers back on Louis bed and helping him under the blanket. Louis looks up at him with sad blue eyes. With a resigned sigh, Zayn rolls his eyes and joins him under the covers, kissing him until he falls asleep.

/

Zayn makes a pact with himself to never drink on a work day again. The fumes of the art shop nearly have him puking all over Dave’s wrinkled face when he walks in five minutes late. 

He hates Louis for being so chipper, never affected by a hangover and basically skipping into work. He hates Louis for cockblocking him. Again. Even if it was from Josh who he doesn’t really have any interest in. 

He definitely loses interest when he spots Niall staring at Josh handing out leaflets right outside Gina’s. The way he’s staring at him reminds Zayn of how he must stare at Liam. He groans and turns to his new empty canvas, staring at the paint lined up in front of him in confusion. 

“Get it together Zayn, the person who bought the window piece is taking it home this evening so we need a new one asap” Dave calls from behind the register and Zayn feels like throwing a can of paint at him and storming out of the shop.

At lunch, Zayn and Louis eat silently at Gina’s. Nobody speaks. Niall doesn’t even crack a joke opting to glare at Josh instead. It’s weird not seeing Niall smile, it makes the atmosphere even more uneasy.

“Hey” Harry appears, dragging a chair across to sit with them and Louis’ eyes start to resemble the plate he is eating off and Zayn’s fingers start to itch for a cigarette. 

It’s bad enough that he has the audacity to sit at their table, but he sits with the back of the chair in between his legs, balancing his chin on his hands and making himself look practically edible.

“Hungover?” Harry asks, filling the tense silence and staring at everyone individually with his stupid green eyes. 

“You could say that” Zayn decides to answer since Louis has started drowning in his soup and Niall is nearly crying in his effort to glare at Josh. 

“So where did you all go last night?” Harry asks, stirring his tea in a way that definitely annoys Zayn. Three times clockwise, three times anti-clockwise. 

“I went back to some girl’s house” Niall mutters, sitting down with them and ignoring Gina who is looking over from behind the counter. 

“So did I” Louis blurts out and both Zayn and Niall look at him with open mouths. Harry looks up from his mug and his expression is unreadable. 

“I thought…” 

“No, I mean I went back to some guy’s house” Louis adds and kicks Zayn under the table, hoping his friend will stop staring and cover for him. 

Zayn refuses, now looking at Harry who is plastering a fake smile on his face. Or maybe it’s genuine and Zayn is just bitter. 

“That’s... good for you I suppose. Liam walked me back to mine. Such a nice guy”

It’s official. Zayn hates Harry Styles. 

/

**grey**

Grey is the colour Zayn has hope in. Everyone says it is dreary, boring, depressing. But Zayn likes it. He likes the way it brings out other colours, likes how it looks in the background. Without grey, nothing would be as vibrant. 

So he tries to paint with grey but he feels hopeless. Harry is not only making a move on Louis, but it seems he’s got his massive hands wrapped around Liam’s heart now too. Niall seemed to have claimed Josh in a silent stare-off earlier. Zayn feels alone. 

“Thanks so much for buying it, we’re trying to work on a new piece soon” Zayn hears Dave mutter from somewhere near the shop door. It must be the person collecting the piece. Zayn is curious so he puts the palette down to go have a look at who is.

He almost trips and falls on his face when he sees Liam hand over what looks like a fifty pound note and pick the canvas up with a large grin on his face.  
Liam was the one who bought the piece. Zayn can just feel his heart break a little bit more. Or maybe swell. Either way, it hurts.

“This will look lovely on my sitting room wall” Liam grins at Dave, not yet noticing Zayn gaping at him. When he finally turns around and spots Zayn, he turns a light red colour and smiles shyly at him.

“You…. It was you?” 

“Yep”

“Right”

Liam waits a fraction for Zayn to say something more. Zayn can only stare, lost for words and panicking inwardly. 

“See you later, then” Liam waves with his hands tightly wrapped around the now covered canvas. 

Zayn waves half-heartedly, sure that if he tries to speak he will either blurt out something embarrassing like ‘I love you, please love me back’ or make a noise resembling that of a zombie. 

“Nice lad, him” Dave points in the direction of the door where Liam just left.

Zayn nods, still staring at the spot Liam was just standing in. 

“I’m not paying you to get boners over other lads that work in this place, go paint” Dave snaps and Zayn blushes before rushing back to his easel. 

/

When Zayn gets home later than usual after stabbing the canvas with his paintbrush, Louis and Niall are sprawled over the couch not even watching the television. He can tell because Jerry Springer is on and it’s a rule in their lives that Maury is the only chat show allowed. 

Zayn pinches the bridge of his nose, lighting a cigarette before they start to talk. 

“I’m depressed and Niall is having a sexual crisis” Louis announces when Zayn walks up behind the sofa. He rubs his fingers through Louis fringe which is sticking up in odd places and remains silent, taking a long drag of his smoke. 

“Harry is my soul mate but he doesn’t notice me and Niall thinks he likes cock now” Louis continues in a voice that really makes Zayn want to crack open the bottle of vodka he has hidden in his room. 

“Well, I’ve always appreciated cock but…”

“You want a specific cock. Josh’s cock” Louis finishes for him and Zayn watches Niall’s cheeks redden. 

“It’s a little soon to assume he is your soul mate and Niall if you want Josh’s… cock… just ask him out”

Niall splutters and Louis sits up with anger shining in his eyes. 

“Excuse me but I’m pretty sure soul mates know when-“

“I CAN’T JUST ASK HIM OUT ARE YA MAD?”

Zayn stands up from where he was perching on the sofa and raises his hands to silence them.

“You both need to grow a pair and just ask them out and stop fucking annoying me!”

Niall just splutters again while Louis’ eyes narrow.

“I could say the same to you” 

Zayn tenses and he just puffs on his cigarette, meeting Louis’ eyes with angry ones of his own. 

“I’ll just go now” Niall stands up, suddenly feeling awkward and out of place. 

“I’ll come with you seeing as we’re annoying Zayn so much” Louis says briskly. He stands up without looking back at Zayn and storms out the door. Niall looks at Zayn hopelessly. Like the colour grey. Zayn just waves him off, walking into his own bedroom to flop down on his bed. 

/

Louis comes stumbling in the door at 4am and if Zayn was awake waiting for him he was not going to admit to that. So he lies in bed pretending to be asleep, awaiting what is about to come. 

“Zayn Malik!” he hears Louis shout from the hallway and Zayn can imagine him struggling to take his coat and shoes off. “I know you’re awake!” 

Zayn runs his hands through his hair and makes a mental note to call Niall to make sure he got home safe from wherever they ended up. 

Before long and unsurprisingly, Zayn’s bedroom door opens and Louis, only wearing his t-shirt and boxers, stands in the doorway glaring down at Zayn. 

“Have a good night?” Zayn mumbles, lying on his back and resting his head on his arms. 

“You’re rude” Louis slurs and folds his arms across his chest and Zayn spots several stains on his white t-shirt. 

“You spilled your drinks” Zayn nods towards his chest and feels satisfied when Louis grimaces.

“What the fuck is your problem these days?” Louis snaps, moving towards the end of the bed so he can tower over Zayn even further. 

“I don’t have one” Zayn answers, moving his feet out of the way before Louis can slap them. 

“Yeah you do. Everyone notices, not just me” 

Zayn bristles at that. He wants to know what they were saying. Who _everyone_ is. 

“It’s because of Harry isn’t it?” Louis pushes and Zayn feels anger coil in his stomach. He shakes his head and tries to keep the smirk on his face but he knows it faltered and Louis has him. 

“Are you jealous?” Louis’ tone is softer now and Zayn doesn’t want that. He wants the anger, not the sympathy. So he resorts to it himself. 

“Fuck you” 

Louis’ eyes narrow but instead of retorting, he kneels up onto the bed and takes his shirt off. 

“Fuck you, Louis” Zayn says again and his breath hitches when Louis moves up and wraps Zayn’s legs around his waist. He looks furious and he cocks an eyebrow, digging his nails into Zayn’s thigh. 

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck y-“ Louis cuts him off finally with a kiss. It’s more of a bite really, but Zayn got what he wanted. He ruts up against Louis and groans into his mouth, desperate now for him. Louis moves to his jaw, biting and licking it until he reaches Zayn’s collarbone tattoo. He kisses it tenderly and Zayn arches his back off the bed. 

Louis pinches one of Zayn’s nipples and blows on it, licking it as he scratches his nails down Zayn’s abs until he reaches his boxers. 

“Hips up” 

Zayn complies and whimpers when Louis tugs his boxers off and throws them behind his shoulder. He licks where his nails left indents in Zayn’s thighs and Zayn is a panting mess by the time Louis finally gets his lips over the head of his dick. 

Louis doesn’t move, he looks up at Zayn through his eyelashes and waits. There is anger in his eyes, anger and pity and love and Zayn huffs before grabbing a fistful of Louis’ hair and fucking into his mouth. 

He hears Louis moan in approval and he does it over and over again until he comes with a loud shout down Louis’ throat. 

He moves to take care of Louis but realises he has done it himself and slumps into Louis’ side.

“Fuck you, Zayn”

“Goodnight, Louis”

/

Zayn wakes up and pushes Louis off him, wrinkling his nose at the mess they left. With a jolt of guilt he remembers he was supposed to check on Niall and picks up his phone before rushing into the toilet for a piss. 

After quickly washing himself he dials Niall’s number and startles when an unfamiliar voice answers. 

“Who is this?” Zayn panics. 

“It’s Josh” Josh whispers and Zayn feels a rush of emotions. Mostly joy for Niall. 

“Niall slept at my house last night in case you’re wondering where he is” Josh continues in a hushed tone and Zayn smiles at the image of them lying beside each other. 

He hangs up after telling Josh to make sure Niall gets home ok and turns back to his room to face Louis. 

“Morning” Louis groans, wiping his eyes and wolf whistling at the naked Zayn. 

“How’s the head?” Zayn asks cautiously, wondering if Louis remembers last night.

“Blank to be honest. Although I can see what we must have got up to” he laughs, looking at the state of Zayn’s bed and his own body. 

Zayn doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or not, so he busies himself in the kitchen, making them both breakfast. 

“Do we need to talk?” Louis comes up behind him, hooking his chin over Zayn’s shoulder and planting a kiss on his neck. 

“I guess” Zayn mumbles, hands shaking as he stirs Louis’ tea and his own coffee. 

They sit in their usual chairs at the table and look at each other expectantly. 

“I guess I’ll start then?” Louis says and Zayn nods, sipping at his coffee even if it is much too hot. 

“So, you’ve been moodier than usual lately” Louis says but in a careful tone, he knows how much Zayn hates being called moody. He hates it himself and usually jumps to Zayn’s defence if the word is thrown his way.

“You seem off with Harry and I don’t know why, everyone else likes him, and last night… you were just a bit of an asshole” 

Zayn sighs and rubs his forehead. Louis is right and he cannot think of a perfect excuse for him. 

“You’re right and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m acting this way” Zayn decides a slight lie would be better than telling Louis how he really feels. Louis will get all… weird if Zayn tells him why he doesn’t like Harry. He won’t get it and Zayn refuses to lose Louis. 

“I’m just confused over Liam is all” he offers which is not exactly a lie and Louis’ grimace proves that it worked.

“Just talk to him man, like _talk_ talk, I’m nearly certain he is just as into you as you are with him”

Louis looks so sure it almost hurts Zayn that Louis doesn’t seem to care. He won’t mind losing Zayn to someone else. Zayn stops thinking that way because Louis is his best friend and they both want each other to be happy. They both deserve it. 

“What’re you going to do about Harry?” Zayn asks, changing the subject. 

“Oh nothing, he’s not into me. I’ll just move on” Louis smiles and his tone is dripping with forced happiness. It would be hopeless for Zayn to try and get anything else out of him; once he is like this there is no changing him. 

“Ok, so what are we doing today?” 

“How about we fix Niall’s life before our own?” Louis’ smile is wicked and Zayn returns the expression. Once they both get an idea like this there is no stopping them. So they hop in the shower, get changed and drive to Niall’s in less than half an hour.

/

“No” 

Zayn and Louis look at each other before pushing past Niall and into his hallway. 

“You stayed at his house last night, you _have_ to tell us what happened”

“And I said no, get the fuck out” Niall grumbles but shuts the door after them anyway. 

Zayn and Louis are giddy, happy that they ‘sorted’ everything out. Niall knows that they won’t leave him alone until he tells them. He pours water into the kettle before settling down onto his couch and shutting his eyes. 

“I rang him when Louis disappeared in the club. I have no idea what I said but all I know is I ended up in his spare room, vomiting in his toilet” 

Zayn and Louis let out simultaneous groans of sympathy and Niall waves his hands to shush them. 

“And this morning he took tea and toast into me with Paracetemol and I think I’m in love”

Zayn and Louis stare at Niall who looks so pathetically upset and hungover that they can’t help but burst out laughing. Niall kicks out at them with his foot and sticks out his bottom lip. He looks adorable. Zayn and Louis jump off the armchair they were squished on and jump on top of him, smothering him in hugs and kisses. 

“Gerroff me, you arseholes” Niall tries to sound angry but it ends in a giggle and a resigned sigh. 

“So, you two are clearly up to no good, what’s going on?” he asks after they settle down again and Niall makes his and Louis’ tea and Zayn’s coffee. 

“After this, you’re getting dressed and we are going around to Josh’s house where you will ask his hand in marriage” Louis announces and Zayn has to pat Niall’s back when he starts to choke on his biscuit. 

“You are bizarre” Niall finally manages to say, looking at Zayn for backup. His face crumbles when Zayn returns his look with an evil grin. 

“You two will be the death of me! No more free lunch at Gina’s”

He protests weakly for another ten minutes before getting up off the couch with a long string of curse words and mopes off to his bedroom. 

“Wear those black skinny jeans you have, your arse looks unreal in them”

“Yeah and the white V-neck t-shirt you have”

“And your green snap back, obviously”

“And-“

“Guys, shut the fuck up, I’m nervous enough as it is” Niall snaps and Louis and Zayn stifle laughs, listening as Niall sprays something or other from his room. Probably overloading his hair with spray. 

When he comes out, he twirls for them and they whistle and clap, causing him to turn a bright shade of red. 

“Right, let’s get this shite over with then” he sighs, marching out the door, trusting them to lock up after him. 

/

It all turns to shit when Liam answers the door. 

Zayn nearly runs away, tripping into Niall who goes flying into Louis who ends up falling into Liam and sending him back into Josh. It’s all a bit of a mess, really. 

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” Josh asks through a laugh as he steadies Liam. 

Louis looks at Niall expectantly while Zayn stares at Liam who looks unfairly good. Louis is staring so intently at Niall that everyone’s eyes turn to the roaring red boy. 

“I ummm… I wanted to say thanks for last night” Niall mumbles, looking down at his feet and Zayn nearly reaches over to pinch his hip in support. 

“Come in” Josh says with a smile and Liam stands back to let them in. Zayn makes sure to keep his distance from Liam as he walks past, refusing to let himself even smell him.  
Josh leads them into his small kitchen which looks like it has hardly been used. He explains that he only moved in recently and that Liam was here helping him to unpack. 

“So, how are you guys this morning? Seems you had a rough night.” Josh asks Louis and Niall with amusement in his voice, blushing slightly when Niall catches his eye. Louis and Niall grumble incoherently in response, taking a seat at Josh’s kitchen table. 

“Wow, what a lovely garden! Liam, why don’t you take me and Zayn on a tour of it?” Louis, always the subtle one, points out the window to Josh’s tiny garden. Zayn peers out at the high grass, small tree and shoddy garden shed and back to Louis in disbelief. Liam mirrors Zayn but Louis nudges them violently and Liam’s mouth forms a knowing ‘o’ shape. 

“Right, yes, let me show you the wonderful plant in the corner” Liam stutters, ashamed of his lie and quickly leads them out the back door leaving the two boys behind. 

“ _So_ subtle, Louis, excellent plan” Zayn deadpans as they hover beside the small tree crammed beside the shed. He takes out his cigarette box, opening and closing the lid in order to resist smoking in front of Liam. 

“Well it seems to be working, asshole” Louis smirks nodding toward the kitchen where it looks like Josh has his hand tucked under Niall’s chin. Niall is gazing up at him like a puppy and Zayn can’t help the wide smile the sight induces. 

“They make it look so easy” Liam mutters and looks embarrassed when Louis and Zayn turn to look at him. “I mean, you know it’s awfully hard to ask someone out or whatever. I think so, anyway.” he stammers and Zayn nods his head in stark agreement while Louis rolls his eyes at how oblivious they both are. They groan simultaneously when Josh leans down and kisses Niall who clutches at Josh’s hips eagerly. 

“Well, that’s my cue to get out of here” Louis sighs and reaches over to stop Zayn fidgeting with his cigarette box. Liam bites his lip at the gesture and Louis frowns when he recognises jealousy in Liam’s eyes. 

“Me too” Zayn mutters, giving in to the temptation and popping a cigarette between his lips. He calms down immediately at the taste and lights it, slowly inhaling and keeping the smoke in as long as he can. He opens his eyes and lets out the smoke, heating up when he catches Louis sniggering at him and Liam staring at his mouth. 

“You’re like a pornstar when you smoke sometimes Zayn, now let’s go” Louis says and Liam tears his eyes off Zayn before walking back inside. Instead of trying to decipher what just happened he simply enjoys his smoke before stepping in after the two. 

Josh and Niall don’t even bother to look up, what with Josh basically straddling Niall in the chair, and the three boys let themselves out with grumbles of disgust mixed with smiles of pride. 

“About time that happened” Liam says as they walk up the path toward the nearest pub, the three of them thinking they deserve a drink after what they just saw. “Josh has been talking about him non-stop since he started working with me, it was getting quite annoying” Liam admits and seems ashamed that he said it, making Zayn fall in love just that little bit more. 

“I know _exactly_ how you feel” Louis sneers, looking at Zayn pointedly and Zayn shoots him daggers over Liam’s head who thankfully is too focused on not stepping on cracks in the path to notice. 

They walk into the pub and order two pints and a glass of Coke and sit in silence, wrapped up in their own thoughts and jealousy.

/

**brown**

Brown used to be Zayn’s least favourite colour. It always made him feel…. dirty or depressed. Brown was murky, boring, ugly. It made him feel how it looked. He always avoided painting with it when he could. 

But now he finds himself mixing brown and white paints, creating a tan colour that reminds him of his own skin. He’s discovered a new love for the colour. It’s in his tobacco, it looks good when Louis’ hair is blowing in all different directions in the wind, it’s all he can see in Liam’s eyes. So far he has counted three different shades of brown in Liam’s eyes. He thinks it might be his new favourite colour. 

It’s how he finds himself in work four hours past closing time, tongue stuck between his lips and paint all over his clothes. He has been painting all day, finally finding inspiration in the brown paint on the palette and lost himself in it.

He jumps when he hears a cough behind him. It’s dark everywhere but his spot in the shop’s large supply room and he swears he is about to be murdered by a serial killer waiting in the shadows. That is until Liam makes himself known by leaning against the doorframe. 

“How long have you been here?” Zayn says, quickly standing in front of the large canvas he had been painting on to cover it from sight. 

Liam has an odd smile on his face, shy and reserved as always but mischievous at the same time. It makes Zayn’s stomach churn. 

“Since I finished, I knew you were in here so I cleaned the sports shop for an hour, helped the janitor paint the bookshop door, that took another hour, went and got something to eat in the diner across the road, another hour aaand I’ve been here since then” 

“Watching me?” Zayn’s mouth is dry as he realises just what he has been painting and there is absolutely no point trying to cover it up. So he stands like he does not care whether Liam has seen it or not but his effort is futile. 

“Yeah. I know how creepy that makes me but… it’s kind of mesmerising” Liam laughs and turns a colour of red that would make Niall proud. Zayn cocks an eyebrow in question and tries to wet his lips and not panic. 

“Watching you paint, I mean. You really enjoy it, don’t you?” It’s more of a statement than a question and Liam steps further towards the canvas with two large eyes painted right in the centre of it. “They’re lovely eyes” he comments and Zayn almost laughs at the irony. 

“Yeah, they are” he says, watching Liam carefully study the detailed eyes that Zayn has spent this long trying to get down on paper.

It’s silent for a few minutes, Liam looking at the painting and Zayn looking at Liam. It’s almost nice, comfortable but Zayn can’t get rid of the feeling of pure desperation in his veins. He wants nothing more than to just grab Liam’s face and pull him into a crushing kiss or even to just tell him whose eyes they are, just to see how Liam would react. He feels his fingers start to itch and takes in a breath. He doesn’t know what he is going to do, but he _has_ to do something.

This, of course, is when his phone decides to ring loudly and break the silence. Liam jumps and looks away from Zayn, his eyes bright with what Zayn refuses to think was anticipation. 

Of course, it’s Louis.

Liam already saw his name flash up on the screen so it would be stupid to ignore the call. 

“What?” Zayn snaps, irritated that for once he was about to make some kind of move on Liam and the moment was ruined.

“Jesus, what’s got your knickers in a twist?! Anyway, I don’t care really but I’m just letting you know that Josh is having a house warming party tonight and we’re going”

“I have not agreed to that yet” Zayn groans, aware of Liam’s eyes burning holes into his skin. 

“ _Please_. Also if you see Liam around, tell him too. See ya there in half an hour” and on that note, Louis hangs up. 

Liam faces him with raised eyebrows and a knowing smile. 

“Looks like we have a party to attend” he laughs, taking one last look at Zayn’s painting before exiting the shop. 

Zayn sighs and follows him, already taking a cigarette out and planning Louis’ death as he locks up. 

/

There are hoards of people around the house by the time Zayn and Liam arrive and it seems they are all drunk already. Well, at least Niall is. They can hear his laugh before they even reach the front door. 

“Good luck” Liam mutters to Zayn sarcastically before opening the door and enveloping them in the noise of the party. 

They first meet three very drunk and very pretty - but very handsy - girls in the hallway. One looks strangely like Josh and Zayn automatically pegs her as Josh’s sister. She hands him a red cup with a cheeky smirk and the smell of it nearly makes Zayn gag. Naturally, he downs whatever it is in one go and feels the alcohol churn in his stomach. 

Liam helps him disentangle himself from maybe-Josh’s-sister and they walk into the kitchen. Niall is trying to reel everyone into a game of Kings and Louis is standing at the speakers like a mother hen, not letting anyone else near the iPod. 

“ZAYN!” Louis shouts and waves over to him, grinning brightly over all the heads of the strangers in Josh’s kitchen. Zayn makes sure Liam is following him and they both make their way over to Louis who looks far from sober. 

“I’ve been playing our favourite songs, about time you got here” Louis squeezes Zayn’s arm and Zayn’s stomach drops when he realises Louis is in one of _these_ moods. 

“I’m going to find Josh” Liam says when Louis starts trying to cuddle the unimpressed Zayn and Zayn fights the urge to beg Liam not to. 

So he busies himself with drinking any drinks he can find, varying between light beers and strong tequila shots. All in all it takes him approximately 15 minutes to get drunk. A new record he thinks. And he starts to not care that Louis is clingy tonight and he clings right back. 

That is until Harry arrives. 

Zayn snorts when he realises Harry is wearing a brown shirt with a white t-shirt under it. Of course he would arrive in what Zayn had been considering his new favourite colour.  
Louis perks up even more, drinking even more than he already was and positively drooling over Harry. He seems to have his hands deeply embedded in Harry’s curls from what Zayn can tell. It annoys him. Zayn’s quiff is excellent and that’s where everyone’s hands should be. 

He sneaks outside for a cigarette, needing a moment to get away from everyone’s…. happiness. 

He is enjoying the silence in the back garden (ignoring the couple leaning against the shed, half-way to having sex), gazing up at the stars, watching the way the smoke curls out of his mouth in interesting patterns. He wonders what colour every star he looks at is up-close.

His peace is ruined when he hears the door open and obnoxious laughter fills his ears. 

“Can I have a smoke, Zayn?” he hears Harry’s too cheerful voice ask. He holds out his box of cigarettes without looking and feels the weight change as Harry takes a cigarette. 

“Mad party isn’t it?” Harry tries for conversation and Zayn turns to him, eyes widening at the sight of a huge hickey decorating Harry’s pale neck. 

“Oh! That, that was Louis” Harry laughs watching Zayn and idly pats the bruise with a hiss. “Niall decided a game of truth and dare was in order”.

Zayn pretends to laugh. Well, he lets a bit of air out of his nose but is certain that will suffice. He’s gasping for another drink, he needs to keep that feeling going, the bubbling in his stomach, or else he might leave in a fit of anger. 

“Are you having a good time?” Harry asks and he seems so sincere and his stupid green eyes are wide and earnest. Zayn wants him to be an asshole, wants him to say something to warrant Zayn’s flippant attitude. So he shrugs and nods his head, stubbing his fag out on the wall. 

“You sure? You seem off” Harry keeps talking and keeps gazing at Zayn like he actually cares about him. Why would he, Zayn thinks, why is he so damn nice?

“Just stop fucking about with my best mate” Zayn snaps and immediately regrets it, blaming it on the alcohol. 

Harry’s eyebrows draw together in confusion as he stammers over what to say. He honestly seems so confused and Zayn feels like the world’s biggest asshole. 

“Louis? I... I don’t know what I’ve done?!” Harry panics and if Zayn thought his eyes couldn’t get any bigger, then he was wrong. 

“You haven’t. I don’t know what I’m saying, I’m drunk” Zayn grumbles and before Harry can speak again, Zayn makes his way back inside. 

Niall and Josh are being more than friendly with each other right beside the fridge so Zayn can’t even get another beer. Louis is on the stairs telling a group of people some story that has them all roaring laughing and Liam is nowhere to be found. Zayn goes searching for more alcohol, making his way past the animated and red-faced Louis on the stairs.  
He spots a red cup on the ground outside a slightly open door and picks it up with interest. It’s half full and he drinks whatever it is, pushing the door open fully to have a peek inside.

He wishes he hadn’t when he spots Liam cornering some short brunette guy in the corner practically eating his face off. It makes whatever mixture of alcohol that is floating in Zayn’s stomach want to come back up. 

He runs. Past Louis on the stairs, past the confused looking Harry hovering at the bottom of the stairs and out the front door. 

He slows down at the end of the road, feeling the urge to vomit and rests his hands on his knees to try and steady himself. The image of Liam kissing someone else has him reeling. That could have been him if he wasn’t such a pussy. If he had made that move in the shop today. It could be him. 

“Zayn?” he hears a small voice from somewhere behind him and he grits his teeth. 

“Leave me alone, Lou” he mutters, standing upright and staring at the stars again. They’re not as appealing as they were earlier. 

He feels a hand slide up his back and grip his shoulder. A tiny hand. Louis’ hand. 

“Let’s go home” Louis breathes and he looks as sad as Zayn feels and Zayn wonders how long they can do this for. 

He must have said it out loud because Louis blanches. 

“Do what?” 

“This” Zayn shouts, pushing Louis gently away from him and gesturing between the two of them. 

Louis looks confused and if he is swaying on his feet nobody addresses it. 

“You’re just using me at this stage.” 

That hits a nerve and Louis’ face flushes dark red with anger. Or maybe sadness. 

“You’re lonely and you always _need_ someone, you can’t just be you. And you’re using me. And I can’t stand it because now whenever we fuck you look at me like… like you’re disappointed it’s me and not someone else” Zayn’s voice cracks and he watches Louis’ eyes fill with tears. “I love you too much to have you looking at me like that.” He adds and looks away from Louis because he can’t take it when Louis’ eyes are anything but cheerful. 

“You’re using me too, Zayn. It’s the exact same thing for me, stop acting the fucking victim. You look at me like you’re pretending I’m Liam! You don’t want me- just like everyone else” Louis spits out and Zayn knows without looking that his fists are clenched and he is ready for a proper fight. 

“And _I’m_ the victim? When are you ever going to get over what’s happened to you in the past and let yourself be happy? Or do you just love bearing down on me all the time and making me fix everything for you?” 

Zayn wishes he never spoke. He doesn’t mean it but he’s angry, he is drunk and he’s sick of everything going wrong. He just wants everything to be the way it used to be. He looks at Louis now because he deserves to feel the pain in his chest when he sees the way Louis looks at him. 

He looks so small. His face is blank but his eyes are wide and his lips are pursed like he is trying to stop them from wobbling. He looks like Zayn just punched him in the stomach. 

“Can we go home now?” Louis whispers, looking away from Zayn and fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. Zayn nods his head, unnerved that Louis didn’t retaliate. He tries to reach out and hold Louis’ hand but he shakes him off and they walk home in silence, feeling miles apart from each other.

/

It’s when Zayn shuts and locks the door that Louis cracks. He was expecting it though, ready to catch him before he fell to his knees in a sobbing wreck. 

“I didn’t mean what I said, Louis, you know that” Zayn mutters into his hair as he clutches him into his chest. Louis is holding Zayn’s t-shirt like it’s a lifeline and Zayn feels his tears soak through right onto his skin. 

“You’re right though, I do leave you to fix things, you’re always fixing me. I’m pathetic” Louis slurs and Zayn wants to shake Louis like a doll until he snaps out of it. Or even shake the alcohol out of him so Louis will stop feeling this way.

“You’re not pathetic, Louis, you’re just stuck in the past. You need to move on” Zayn comforts him, trying his best to stay upright with Louis becoming pliant in his arms. 

Zayn starts to feel that anger in his veins that usually appears once Louis falls for someone. The first time it happened it was a guy in Louis’ drama class, Billy was his name. Zayn hated him from the start because he thought he was punk rock but Zayn could tell fake leather from a mile away and this guy was anything but punk. But he kept it to himself, seeing Louis happy was enough for him. Then Billy got too punk rock and had a threesome with two girls after one of his gigs and, of course, Louis walked in. Louis claimed he had loved him and would never love again after that. 

And then Steve came along and everyone liked Steve. Even Zayn’s mother loved Steve. He was older than Louis by about five years and worked in the library and was kind and gentle and the opposite of Louis in many ways. Zayn chose not to like him because the way Louis was after Billy was enough to make him wary. Louis was really happy for about six months and had even considered moving in with the man. Even Zayn had started to warm to him because Louis really was in love. Until Steve’s ex turned up from his “holiday” to Australia and Steve remembered just how good it was with him and left a confused and miserable Louis in Zayn’s hands. 

So for about a year, Louis was depressed and alone and every night he slept in Zayn’s bed. Even if Zayn was not at home, he would come back the following morning and find Louis curled around his pillow with evidence that he had cried himself to sleep. It nearly tore Zayn apart, but he decided one of them had to be strong and it would have to be him.  
Which is why he hated Charlie the moment Louis dragged him in the door after a night out and introduced him to Zayn before fucking his brains out all night. Charlie was everything Zayn hated in a person; cocky, pompous and self-absorbed. He was everything Louis hated too, so Zayn always wondered why he was really fucking the kid. It made him even more confused when he had to console Louis for another six months after Charlie went off with Mark, who had worked in Gina’s with Niall. 

Now Harry has made an appearance in Louis’ life and Zayn doesn’t know which of them is more scared. 

“Let’s go to sleep, Lou” Zayn sighs, then ends up half-dragging Louis into his room. 

“Maybe I should sleep on my own tonight” and Zayn heart lurches because although he and Louis do need to stop whatever it is they are doing, the thought of actually doing it… hurts. He looks up and Louis is standing at the end of his bed with red puffy eyes, playing with his t-shirt. He looks like a child. 

“Ok” Zayn whispers but all he really wants to do is drag Louis under the covers with him and act like his shell. 

“Goodnight, I love you”

“Love you more”

Louis half-smiles and walks out and into his own bedroom.

Zayn has to sleep with his pillow over his head so he doesn’t hear Louis crying. It’s useless and the two lie awake the whole night in their separate rooms. 

/

**pink**

Pink is a stereotypical girl colour and Zayn hates that, because he loves the colour pink. It’s bright, happy, full of fun. It’s the colour of his favourite slush puppee in the cinema, the colour of the circles around Louis’ eyes when he is too tired, the colour of Niall’s fingers after he plays guitar. The colour of Liam’s lips. 

And that’s what he is painting. Maybe he is a masochist, but Zayn is fiercely dragging the paintbrush across the canvas as he focuses on the large lips he is painting. He purposely ignores anyone who tries to talk to him, especially Dave. 

Louis is not in work today, so at lunch Zayn revels in the idea of eating lunch alone. Niall silently hands him his food and Zayn feels bad because Niall seems to be delighted with himself, bursting to tell Zayn whatever it is that has him rocking on the balls of his feet. Instead he leaves Zayn in his brooding silence and figures that Zayn is just really hungover. 

Then Harry sits down on Louis’s seat. 

Zayn ignores him and stares at his soup instead, he thinks about finally changing his order at Gina’s because the soup is getting a little boring. He notices the different bracelets that decorate Harry’s pale wrists. The one that stands out most is a vibrant pink one reading something about love being equal. Zayn likes it. 

“Hungover?” Harry, of course, breaks the silence. 

Zayn debates over what to say in his head, should he apologise for what he said last night or pretend to forget? He decides the latter is more convenient and nods his head solemnly. So Harry just laughs in empathy and asks Niall for a cup of coffee, smiling at the way Niall jitters around the café. 

“Me and Josh are official” Niall can’t help but blurt out when he puts Harry’s mug down on the table. Zayn glances up at him and the smile on Niall’s face is so wide and genuine that he can’t help but beam himself. 

“Well done, mate! I’m happy for you” Zayn pats Niall’s shoulder and leaves it there, needing to feel some of Niall’s warmth and energy. 

“Congrats” Harry smiles, tipping his mug in Niall’s direction before taking a long sip. 

“We’re going on our first date tonight. He says it’s a surprise” Niall is practically buzzing and he reminds Zayn of a child on Christmas morning. It makes him forget any selfish problems he has and feel a sudden burst of happiness for his friend. 

“There he is now” Niall sucks in a breath and waves over at Josh who is poking his head out of the sports shop. Josh waves back with a large smile on his face and Zayn starts to laugh because he just feels so happy for them. 

That feeling lasts approximately ten seconds, because Liam comes walking out from behind Josh and in their direction. Zayn takes in a large gulp of air and all he can see in his head is Liam kissing another boy. He starts to fidget with anything he can find on the table and Harry watches him with a frown, only looking up when Liam sits down at their table. 

“Nice hickey” Zayn hears Harry smirk and if Zayn’s heart wasn’t already thumping then he refuses to look to see what Harry could possibly be talking about. 

“You too” Liam retorts and quickly orders a breakfast roll from the menu. 

Eventually Zayn raises his eyes from his bowl of soup and of course they zone in on Liam’s neck where a large purple spot basically jumps off his skin. It makes Zayn want to stand up and make his own mark – a better mark - on Liam’s skin. 

“Where did you get to last night?” Liam asks Zayn quietly and fidgets with the collar of his shirt, feeling uneasy under Zayn’s gaze. 

“I took Louis home early” Zayn quickly replies, feeling a bit sick and wishing he were anywhere but here. 

“Speaking of Louis, Zayn you said something last night and, well, it confused me” Harry says and if he could talk any slower Zayn is pretty sure he would fall into a coma. 

“I did?” Zayn squeaks and he starts to feel nauseous with two pairs of confused eyes trained on him and the images of Liam kissing someone else rolling around in his head. 

“Well, you were quite angry,” Harry seems nervous and if Zayn liked him he would feel guilty about the way he’s making Harry behave “you told me to stop fucking about with him?”  
Harry’s eyes are what Zayn hates the most. He can’t help but stare at them, become consumed by them. They are clouded with confusion and Zayn _does_ feel guilty. So he laughs like it is nothing. 

“I say that to everyone when I am drunk” he lies, waving a hand in the air and taking a long drink of his water. 

“Right, ok that’s fine then” Harry says, still sounding confused but his eyes clear up and his smile returns. The one with the dimple that Zayn detests. “I better get back to work, see you guys later”.

Liam and Zayn are left in an uncomfortable silence and Zayn wants to stick his fork in his eye, or Liam’s, he doesn’t really care which. 

“H-how’s the painting coming along?” Liam stutters, watching Zayn carefully as if he can tell exactly what Zayn is feeling and it is like he is treading on eggshells. 

“Fine”

“Can I see it?”

“No”

Zayn doesn’t mean to sound harsh but it comes out that way and Liam flinches. 

“I mean, not until it’s done” Zayn hurries to get out because no matter what Liam does, he never wants to be the one that upsets him. Liam smiles at that and mutters something about being excited and blushing a colour Zayn has now associated with Liam’s embarrassment. 

“Were you ok last night?” Liam looks like he can’t help but ask, as if he had been worrying about it all morning. Zayn nods feebly, finding it increasingly difficult to lie anymore, especially to Liam. Liam opens his mouth to ask another question but that’s when Dave opens the door and basically whistles at Zayn for his attention. Zayn looks over with an unimpressed expression on his face and rolls his eyes when Dave starts gesturing for him to come back to work. 

“Hey um, do you want to go to the cinema tonight?” Liam quickly asks as Zayn stands up and turns the same colour as Harry’s pink bracelet. 

“Just you and I or is anyone else coming?” Zayn asks, unsure but excited. 

“Well, you can ask Louis if-“

“No! That’s perfect”

Liam beams and Zayn’s stomach feels like it is trying to do several backflips. 

“I’ll come by yours at around seven?” Liam is biting his lip now, holding back the smile Zayn wants nothing more than to see. He just nods his head, afraid of what might come out of his mouth if he speaks and rushes back to work, shooting Dave a wide grin on his way in the door. 

“Get painting, Malik” Dave grunts and Zayn’s fingers tremble as he glides his paintbrush over the dip of Liam’s top lip. 

/

Louis of course, is more than excited when Zayn comes home covered in pink paint and smiling his first real smile in weeks. 

“You’re going on a date” 

Zayn levels him with a half assed glare as he anxiously rifles through his wardrobe, cursing his lack of money and fashion sense. 

“It’s not a date” 

“Zayn, you and Liam are going to a dark secluded cinema on your own together, that just screams romance” 

Another glare but Louis is too busy spilling out all the romantic things Zayn should say and do on their ‘date’. 

Zayn is just finished his shower when he hears the doorbell ring and he panics. He can’t leave Louis alone with Liam; God knows what he will say to him. He rushes out of his room with only a towel around his waist and beats Louis to the door. 

“You’re going to answer the door like that??”

“It’s better than having you answer it looking like the world’s biggest pervert”

“I’m the pervert?! You’re scantily clad!”

“I have a towel-“

“Um, guys, I can hear you” Liam’s voice comes from the other side of the door and Louis sniggers while Zayn pushes him away from the door handle and opens it. Zayn immediately regrets opening the door in only a towel because the way Liam looks at him makes his skin go hot all over. 

“Um… hi” Liam coughs out, dragging his eyes off Zayn’s wet chest and smiles sheepishly, ears turning red when he hears Louis’ obnoxious laugh. 

“I’ll just be a minute” Zayn mutters, jogging back to his room and feels two pairs of eyes follow him all the way. He shuts out both their voices as he dresses, not wanting to know what Louis could possibly be saying to Liam and glances in the mirror. Liam had come wearing a simple baseball shirt, jeans and a scarf – which Zayn refused to think about was hiding- nothing fancy and yet Zayn had practically watered at the mouth looking at him. 

Zayn looks at his own raggedy band t-shirt and black skinny jeans and wonders if it’s acceptable enough. He doesn’t have time to change his mind when Louis sneaks into his room and stands up on his toes to hook his chin over Zayn’s shoulder. He gives him a onceover in the mirror and hums approvingly. Their eyes connect in the mirror and Zayn pretends not to see the sadness in Louis’. 

“Have fun” Louis whispers and squeezes Zayn’s hips and Zayn wishes he would say something Louis-ish and not have this tension in the air. 

“I will” he replies and Louis turns him around so they can hug. 

A hug between them is a common occurrence, even if they are simply walking down the street they are usually wrapped up in each other somehow. But this is different, Louis holds him tighter than usual and Zayn clings to Louis’ shoulders like they are the only thing keeping him on his feet. 

Louis pulls back and rises even higher on his toes so they are eye to eye. Keeping his eyes open, he kisses Zayn softly on the lips. Zayn can’t help but close his own and kiss him back. Like their hug, this kiss is different. This kiss feels like their last. 

“I love you” Louis whispers against Zayn’s lips and sinks back down onto his feet. “Now go get some” he laughs, pinching Zayn’s hips and straightens up before re-joining Liam in the sitting room. 

“Ready?” Zayn asks, eying his cigarettes on the table but choosing to leave them there for the night. He can smoke them all when he gets home. 

“Yeah! Louis what are your plans for tonight?” Liam smiles at Zayn before looking over at Louis who is rummaging in the fridge.

“I have a date with the X Factor” he winks over his shoulder at Liam and continues wiggling his arse in the air as he rummages. 

Liam looks at Zayn expectantly and Zayn shoots Louis one last look before exiting the apartment with Liam in tow. 

/

Liam buys the tickets to some movie Zayn has never heard of and Zayn makes up for it by buying the popcorn and drinks. 

It’s awkward at first and Zayn really wishes he hadn’t left his cigarettes at home, even just to play with his lighter in his pocket to calm his nerves. 

“Knowing our luck Niall and Josh will show up and basically have sex in the back row” Liam laughs, diving his hand into the large popcorn and glancing at the door just in case his premonition comes true. 

“Or Dave will show up with Gina doing the same thing” 

Liam cackles at Zayn’s comment and Zayn flushes with pride, watching the way Liam’s whole face lights up. The movie starts and Zayn and Liam are still giggling, earning them a glare or two from the people beside them. 

For an hour and a half Zayn concentrates on Liam while Liam seemingly concentrates on the film. Zayn settles in next to him and their forearms and thigh’s rest against each other and the warmth is nice. He watches Liam react to the film out of the side of his eye and has to resist from reaching out and touching the wrinkles at the side of his eyes or his lips when they pull up into a large smile or slight frown. Basically, Zayn thinks he deserves a medal for his willpower right now and can’t wait to tell Louis when he gets home. 

_Louis_. He refuses to think about him, but can’t help feel a pang of guilt in his stomach when he pictures him curled up on the couch watching X-Factor, passing his bitchy remarks to the empty room. He pushes his friend to the back of his mind and tries to concentrate on the film, but it’s no use. Liam is much more interesting. 

“So, did you like that?” Liam asks, brushing popcorn off his lap before standing up once the credits start to roll. 

“Yeah, it was good” 

Liam raises an eyebrow and then frowns suspiciously. “What happened in the end?” 

“Umm… they um, they all died?”

Liam throws his head back and laughs. Zayn feels that weird prideful feeling again and reaches out to punch Liam’s arm. 

“I’m sorry if I took you to a boring film!” Liam recovers from his laughter and looks guilty and Zayn nearly falls over with the affection that rushes through him.

“I wasn’t bored I was just…” Zayn worries on his bottom lip, avoiding Liam’s eyes at all costs. He wants to say he was nervous or excited, or even _‘I was too busy staring at your gorgeous face’_ but he can’t. “… I forgot my cigarettes and I was just distracted that’s all” he rambles instead and doesn’t notice Liam’s disappointed expression. 

When they leave the cinema there is an awkward moment of what-happens-now until Liam offers to walk Zayn home. They walk in comfortable silence and make small talk, mostly about work or Niall’s sudden ‘love for the cock’ as Zayn bluntly puts it. 

“So what’s the deal with Harry and Louis?” Liam asks as they stand at the door to Zayn’s apartment block. 

“God knows” Zayn rolls his eyes, catching a weird expression cross Liam’s face. 

“Are you jealous or something?” Liam asks and his voice is small and nervous, like he doesn’t want to know the answer. 

“No!” Zayn hurries to answer, but it sounds like he is lying and Liam’s face says as much. 

“I’m not I swear! I just don’t want Louis to get hurt, is all” he explains and frowns, wishing he could just run upstairs for one cigarette. 

“Harry is a nice guy, maybe Louis won’t get hurt?” Liam offers. Of course he would say that. Zayn wishes Liam weren’t so nice all the time. 

They stand in silence again and Zayn sucks his breath in and releases it, pretends the air coming out of his mouth is smoke. 

“You’ve got some pink paint on you” Liam mutters and reaches over, brushing the pad of his thumb over Zayn’s chin, frowning as he tries to remove the speck of paint. Zayn’s whole body heats up and they are mere inches away from each other, he could count each eyelash if he wanted to, he could even lean forward and just capture Liam’s lips in his own. 

“Got it” Liam whispers and looks up at Zayn, his brown eyes blinking rapidly as they stare at each other for what feels like an eternity. 

“I better be off, work early in the morning!” Liam says and quickly steps away from Zayn who almost screams and grabs Liam’s face to smash their lips together. 

“Yeah, yeah ok, see you later!” he says instead and he counts Liam’s third strange expression of the night and wishes he would stop being so damn mysterious and just tell Zayn what he wants. Liam gives a half-wave before briskly walking away and out of Zayn’s sight. 

He rushes upstairs, grabs his box of cigarettes and curls up next to the sleeping Louis on the couch and smokes the remaining four left in the box. 

/

For two whole weeks, Liam and Zayn dance around each other, hanging out alone more frequently and becoming more close than Zayn could have hoped for. But there’s still that something between them that they are both avoiding and it drives Zayn mad. 

Harry and Louis become a complete disaster; Harry oblivious to Louis’ pining and Louis oblivious to the way Harry’s dimples seem to only appear around Louis, and that drives Zayn even madder. 

He wants to say Niall and Josh drive him mad but he would be lying. The two of them should be made fun of for being one of those typically disgusting couples but because it’s Niall and Josh, everyone coos over them like a new-born baby. 

It’s a Tuesday when, for the fifth time that month, Louis dresses up again and convinces Zayn that this is the day he finally asks Harry out. Zayn nods and hums as usual, knowing that Louis will only freeze up, make an inappropriate joke and go home that night in a foul mood. 

At Gina’s, Louis is strangely more quiet than usual and Zayn asks him after ten minutes if he is alright. Louis just shrugs and turns an unusual shade of red that Zayn rarely sees on him. 

“What did you do?” Zayn sighs and waves over at Niall for another two cups of coffee. 

“Nothing” Louis says defensively, avoiding eye contact and ignores Niall when he places the mug in front of him. 

Zayn stirs his drink thoughtfully and kicks Louis under the table.

“I asked him out” Louis says down into the cup before taking a long drink that Zayn is sure burns his throat. As does Zayn’s when he chokes on his gulp and ends up having his back walloped by a concerned Niall. 

“What did he say?!” Zayn manages to ask between splutters whilst pushing Niall away. 

“He said not tonight, but maybe this weekend?” Zayn frowns because Louis does not sound or look happy. 

“So what’s the matter, then? Is this not a good thing?” Once again all Zayn receives in reply is a shrug. 

“He didn’t look happy when I asked him. He got all weird when he asked if we could do it this weekend instead” Louis finally explains and Zayn internally growls. Leave it to Louis to look at the negative. 

“He probably feels guilty that he had to rearrange the date, you need to stop freaking yourself out” he tells Louis who looks like he knows Zayn is right but is refusing to agree just to be stubborn. Eventually Louis nods, perhaps for Zayn’s sake but he noticeably brightens up and decides that tonight is another ‘lad’s night out’.

“We need to start hanging out with more girls” Niall contemplates and the three of them glance at each other before sniggering into their hands, earning a glare from Gina and a frustrated Dave, who has been waiting for Zayn to finish lunch for about ten minutes. 

Zayn downs the rest of his coffee before reluctantly returning back to work. The week has been so busy that he has had little time to work on his painting and Dave is at his wits end. He threatens to fire Zayn at least twice a day. 

He works on one of Liam’s frustratingly bushy eyebrows before the buzzing in his phone and tapping on the window start to irritate him. 

“We’ve been waiting for like, an hour” Louis complains as soon as Zayn exits the shop, ignoring the four boys standing waiting for him as he locks up.

“Let’s go then” he sighs, slinging an arm over Josh and walking with them to the usual spot. 

**black**

Black is a colour Zayn struggles with. It complicates everything. Too much black and everything is ruined. That’s what Zayn thinks as he struggles through his fifth shot. It’s black and so is the club and so is the dance floor and everything is just _black_. 

He walks back to the booth, trying to make Liam out in the blackness and failing. 

“Zayn, are you ok?” he hears someone ask but he pushes them away and falls onto the nearest seat. He feels someone persistently slapping his cheek and he opens his eyes, ready to tell whoever it is to fuck the hell off. 

Harry is sitting across from him, leaning over the table and watching him with concern that Zayn can only associate with those green eyes. Zayn sits up when he spots a pretty girl on Harry’s other side, watching them with a look of annoyance. 

“Are you ok?” Harry asks again and Zayn frowns at the girl and ignores Harry. 

“Are you with Louis?” Harry asks, glancing around the black club and the expression confirms what Zayn is thinking. Zayn needs to find Louis before he finds this and he stands up, maybe too fast because he ends up rolling off the seat and onto the ground. 

He struggles to get to his feet, knocking over a few things and causing havoc before he feels familiar hands tug him up. A mixture of Liam and Louis. It makes him smile.

“Thanks, guys” he giggles and turns to look at them. Liam is looking down at him with a typically worried expression and Louis is looking over at the booth Zayn just fell out of. 

“Harry?” Louis squeaks and Zayn stands upright, leaning on Louis shoulder and feels his breathing become heavier. 

“Hey, fancy meeting you here” Harry laughs and quickly removes his arm from around the girl beside him. 

Zayn sluggishly looks between the two and he can almost hear the cogs turning in Louis’ head. 

“Do you want to join us?” Harry offers, looking at the girl quickly as if asking for permission. She nods her head with a grim expression, eying Zayn with contempt. “This is-“ Harry starts but Louis barks out a loud and fake laugh. 

“No, sorry we can’t, got to get this mess home. See you on Monday, yeah?!” he says, gripping the back of Zayn’s head to nod it for him. 

“I’ll go tell Niall and Josh” Liam mutters but Louis reaches out and grabs Liam’s arm. He practically drags both Liam and Zayn out the door, ignoring whatever Harry is shouting after them and not stopping until he is well clear of the club. 

“Take him home” Louis mutters to Liam, pushing Zayn into him and avoiding his eyes. 

“Where are you going?” Liam asks, struggling to hold Zayn up as he stumbles around. 

Louis ignores him; waving down the next black cab and holding the door open for them. He tells the driver their address and Liam catches the black look in his eye before the cab is scooting off into the night. 

Zayn is heavier than Liam expected as he practically turns to mush into Liam’s arms and has to be carried all the way to his apartment. 

“Where are your keys?” he hisses as Zayn giggles against his neck. 

“Louis” Zayn manages to answer and for the next ten minutes, Liam searches Zayn’s person for a set of keys to no avail. 

“Fuck!” he shouts and slumps down against the door, catching Zayn’s head before it slams into the ground. 

“Sorry” Zayn laughs, poking Liam’s face, clearly oblivious to the mess they are in. 

“Go to sleep, Zayn” 

“What? Here?” Zayn laughs peeking at Liam’s phone as he tries to send a text to Louis. 

“Yes, here” Liam sighs and takes off his jacket to make a pillow for Zayn in his lap. 

Zayn snuggles down like a cat and if Liam were not so anxious he would be carding his fingers through the black locks and probably falling asleep himself. 

Zayn stares at the denim fibres on Liam’s jeans with awe and wants to tell him he loves him but he is too drunk to speak. So he mumbles whatever he can and focuses on the faint pulse coming from Liam’s body before letting the black consume him. 

/

Liam’s phone died sometime during the night so neither boy has any idea what time it is when Zayn finally rises. His body is stiff and his head feels like it may explode. He shoots a guilty look at Liam who apparently has not slept yet and looks even stiffer than Zayn. 

“Hi” he croaks and Liam smiles a short smile and Zayn wonders what kind of trouble he’s in for today. “Any reason we’re lying outside my apartment?”

Liam rolls his eyes and tells Zayn that the only set of keys is with Louis somewhere. 

“Where is he?” Zayn groans stretching his arms above his head and quickly fights a sudden urge to vomit. Liam shrugs and that is the first warning sign for Zayn. Well it should be the second, considering how he woke up. 

“You don’t know?” Zayn clarifies, sobering up quickly as his worry takes over. 

“He sent us home after seeing Harry with that girl last night” Liam says through a yawn and Zayn sits up straighter now. 

“What girl?! You let him go off by himself? What the fuck, Liam!” Zayn panics and Liam’s eyes start to widen with fear. 

“Well, I don’t know who she is and… well yes, but he basically threw us in the taxi. It all happened so quickly, I’m sorry!” Liam stands up now and Zayn follows suit, starting to shake as his mind floods with _LouisLouisLouis_. 

He quickly bolts, leaving Liam standing there in a confused silence and takes the stairs two at a time, jumping into the first cab he sees. 

/

He starts off with Louis’ usual spots. The swings in the park, the pond, the ice cream parlour near their flat- he even checks the library. But Louis is in none of these places and Zayn is sure he is about to pass out from the stress. 

He ignores what time it is, certain that Dave will surely fire him now and sits down on a bench just outside Woodlands. He racks his brains for where Louis could possibly be. His stomach sinks when he thinks of a possible - although farfetched - option and heads to the train station. 

He wishes more than anything he had his cigarettes or even a pack of chewing gum. The hangover he has is nearly making him want to give up, curl up somewhere and just cry until Louis finds him and tells him that for once, Louis is going to take care of him. 

He strolls onto the platform and the screeching of train’s is nearly enough to send him running. Until he spots a familiar figure curled up on a bench beside the ticket booth. He stomps his feet and runs through all the curse words he knows in his head before walking over and taking a seat beside the small feet sticking out from what is obviously Louis’ jacket. 

“Thought I’d find you here” 

“Thought you wouldn’t”

Zayn sighs and watches a woman take a long drag of her cigarette before stepping onto the train. He wonders how low it would be if he went over and smoked the end of it. He snaps out of his thought when Louis shifts so the top of his head is poking out from the jacket. 

“I’m freezing” 

“Let’s get you inside, then” 

“I want to go” 

“Let’s go then”

“No, I want to _go_ ” 

Zayn looks over now and Louis’ is staring at the people boarding the trains to god knows where. He reaches over and drags Louis up, pulling him into a hug that’s rather awkward in this position but it’s what he needs. What they both need. 

“There is nowhere to go but home, with me” Zayn says into Louis hair and feels the boy melt into his grip.

“You’re late for work” 

“I know”

They both sigh, breaths mingling in the air around them as they watch countless people embark and disembark countless trains and only moving when Zayn hears Louis’ teeth begin to chatter. 

/

When they get back to the apartment, Liam is now curled up outside, sleeping for what looks like the first time in months. It’d almost melt Zayn’s heart if it wasn’t so wrecked today already. Liam wakes up when Zayn sticks the key in the lock and he sits upright, wiping his eyes and staring up at them blearily. 

“Oh, Louis, thank God you’re alright! I’m so sorry and I was so worried and it’s-“

Louis stops him by pressing his finger to Liam’s lips and shaking his head. “Stop blabbing and come inside” he can’t help but smile when Liam’s eyes widen to an impossibly large size. 

Zayn shoots Liam a quick apologetic look, earning a small smile in return and the three of them all rush for the bathroom at once. They find themselves blocked in the doorway until Louis suggests they rock paper scissors for it. Which he wins. 

They all quickly get changed and order a pizza which ends up being devoured by Zayn and Liam, Louis claiming he is not that hungry. 

“I’m gonna go to bed” he says whilst Zayn and Liam fight over the last slice. 

“It’s only seven” Liam frowns, handing Zayn the slice as they all knew he would anyway. 

“M’tired” Louis yawns and waves at them before retiring into his room for the night. 

After an hour of crap telly, Zayn finds his head once again in Liam’s lap with Liam’s hand pulling at random strands of hair. It’s nice, it really is. Then Liam kicks Zayn’s leg and nods towards Louis’ door. 

“You’ve been staring at it all night, go check on him” he says with a kind smile and Zayn just really hates him. 

But he does, of course he does, because Louis comes first. 

Louis is under his covers and Zayn can see his iPod is on and what sounds like heartache coming from the earphones. He grits his teeth before pulling the duvet off and finding Louis’ face buried in his pillow. His whole body is rigid; he is pretending not to cry for Zayn’s sake. As if Zayn does not know everything little thing about him already. 

He presses pause on the iPod and runs a hand up Louis’ arm. 

“You know, we don’t know who that girl was” he says softly and watches Louis’ knees go up higher towards his belly. “She could be anyone”.

“It’s not just that, Zayn! It’s everything! Once again I let myself like someone and they shit all over me. When’s it going to stop? Everyone I ever love ends up breaking me some way” Louis throws the pillow off the bed and his face and eyes are red and he looks positively manic. It crushes Zayn, makes him angry and sad at the same time; makes him want to just shake Louis until he is ok again. 

“I haven’t!” Zayn protests

Louis levels him with a malicious glare. 

“Oh please, enlighten me then” Zayn growls, standing up and removing himself from Louis’ touch. 

“Him!” Louis throws an arm in the direction of the living room and Zayn looks out to find Liam standing there awkwardly. His usual Liam-embarrassed-red colour. 

“I’m gonna go” Liam whispers, making his way towards the door but Zayn shouts at him to stop. 

“What the fuck are you on about?” Zayn snaps turning back to Louis who is now kneeling on the bed to get that extra height. 

“You know exactly what I am on about” Louis snaps back and they glare at each other until the front door closing brings them out of it. Louis looks guilty for a moment before Zayn pulls his arm to grab his attention. 

“When are you going to stop this?” Zayn says quietly, no longer angry. No longer anything really. Just fed up. 

Louis shrugs and dons that expression that frustrates Zayn more than anything. The one that tells the world that Louis Tomlinson does not care, is impervious, can do anything. 

“You need to stop trying your very best to ruin everything around you and just fucking let yourself be happy because you’re not the only one affected by your mess. I’m done with this” Zayn mutters, looking at Louis carefully for a long moment before squeezing his hand and walking out of the room and out of the apartment. 

/

He finds himself running after Liam and catches up to him before he can walk up the steps to his own house.

“Liam, wait, please?” he gasps, pinching his side where a stitch is beginning to form. 

Liam turns around with a false smile on his face and waits for Zayn to catch his breath. 

“Why’d you leave?” Zayn gets out, bending over to try relieve the pain in his side.

“I don’t want to cause a fight between you and Lou” Liam explains and his keys jingle in his hand in a strange rhythm. 

“You didn’t- you don’t!” 

Liam looks at him like Zayn must think he is stupid and Zayn grits his teeth. 

“Louis just had a bad day. He gets possessive sometimes, that’s all” Zayn tries to explain but the expression does not leave Liam’s face. 

“Sometimes” he snorts and turns back to open his door, pausing in the doorway and turning back around. “You’re a great friend, Zayn, the best, but you need to let him go” he says and his tone is sad, so _sad_ , and he closes the door before Zayn can open his mouth. 

He sits on Liam’s step for the duration of two cigarettes and leaves with a sinking feeling in his heart and stomach. 

/

Sometimes Zayn wishes he had his own house or flat and this applies when he arrives home to find Harry pacing outside his flat. He ignores him and tries to push past to open the door and just go to bed. 

“Zayn, please?” Harry’s whimper is so pathetic that he can’t help but stop in his tracks and face the younger boy. He looks stormy, his curls all over the place and his black clothes adding to that sinking feeling in Zayn’s body. Zayn can only shrug, doesn’t even know how to explain Louis’ state to Harry. 

“Will you let me in?” Harry asks, eying the keys in Zayn’s hand but Zayn shakes his head. He has to clench his fists to stop himself from possibly strangling him. 

“Listen, ok, that girl in the bar? Yeah, that’s Gemma- my sister! That’s the reason I couldn’t meet Louis last night, she’s only in town for the day” Harry explains and his impossibly long fingers playing with his bracelets distract Zayn from his earnest eyes. 

“Can you just… tell him that?” Harry sighs when Zayn remains silent. “I really like him, Zayn, but I need everyone to let me” he adds before stalking back out the main entrance. 

Zayn bangs his head against the door a few times for good luck before pushing himself inside their apartment. Louis is sitting on the kitchen worktop looking at the door with an unreadable expression. 

“How long was he there?” Zayn asks, throwing his jacket on the couch and putting the kettle on. 

Louis shrugs and as Zayn edges closer to him he still has that false carefree look about him from earlier. It takes all his willpower not to clock him one. 

“By the way, I was right. That girl he was with was his sister, not some hook-up. ‘Night Lou” Zayn quips before slamming into his bedroom with his tea and leaving Louis in what he hopes is an uncomfortable and embarrassed silence. 

/

**yellow**

Zayn likes yellow. It’s a happy colour really. Sunshine is not technically yellow; he knows it’s impossible not to associate the two. Yellow is the colour of his and Louis’ first mug they bought for their apartment, the colour of Niall’s hair, the colour his fingers are starting to turn because of his smoking. He finds little specks of yellow in Liam’s eyes one day and it surprises him. Makes him supress a wide smile and he immediately gets to work on his painting. 

The eyes are already perfect; he can’t help but think, but the yellow needs to be added now that he knows it’s there. He pushes any worries or thoughts out of his head and mixes his colours with gusto. Even Dave is impressed with Zayn’s mood and ethic and leaves him alone all day. 

Niall is the definition of sunshine at lunch, swooping around Zayn and Louis with a shit eating grin on his face. Louis bounces off him and Zayn is thankful for the false bravado as they eat their lunch through loud laughter and vulgar jokes. 

“Josh plays drums you know, he showed me yesterday” Niall sighs like a lovesick teenager, which he is, Zayn supposes and looks over at the sports shop with a dreamy expression.  
“I’m sure he did” Louis smirks and the three of them giggle helplessly. 

Niall hands them their bill on a yellow slip of paper and adds a smiley face at the end. Zayn brushes his thumb over it fondly and Louis smiles his first real smile in ages. 

“He is such an idiot” he murmurs, watching Niall dance with Gina around the till. She is clearly trying to scold Niall to get back to work but can’t help let out the squeal of laughter as he dips her down for a kiss on the cheek. 

Zayn goes to speak when a chair is scraped over to their table and Harry sits down. Zayn looks at him and holds back a laugh. Harry is wearing an obscenely yellow t-shirt with a black smiley face on it and the irony almost hurts. 

Louis stiffens in his chair and if Zayn were not so comfortable he would quickly leave. That and the fact that Louis is pressing down on his foot under the table. 

Harry looks at both of them, wondering who will speak first and Niall runs out to take his order. Harry waves him away, eyes boring into Louis and Niall makes a face before returning inside.

“This is awkward” Zayn announces, too giddy to care and they both shoot him a glare that, frankly, scares him. 

“Did you tell him?” Harry hisses at Zayn, his hands pointing at the angry looking Louis. 

“I am right here you know?” Louis pipes up and finally they both look at each other. 

“Did Zayn tell you?” Harry asks through gritted teeth. 

Zayn watches with amusement as Louis tries to struggle with his own stubbornness. He knows Louis wants to be angry with Harry but he knows Louis knows he has no right. It also must be very hard for him to keep up that glare with Harry’s innocent face staring at you. 

“He did”

“And?” 

Louis looks at Zayn. “No, don’t look at him, look at me. It’s me you’re dealing with now” Harry says and both Louis and Zayn flinch. Nobody has ever really done that before. Call them out on their co-dependency. Louis tears his eyes off Zayn’s and faces Harry with a fearful look swimming in his eyes. 

“And?” Harry repeats and Zayn wonders how he can look at Louis’ eyes like that and not crumble. He is obviously stronger than Zayn. It hits Zayn then that Harry is better for Louis than he is. Louis must be feeling the same, confused as to how Harry has not bowed down to his puppy-eyed expression and just let him have his way. 

“And…. Ok” Louis breathes out, unsure now as to what to say or how to act. 

“Ok” Harry parrots, eyebrows rising and a faint sighting of his dimple begins to appear. 

“Yes. Ok” Louis frowns but a smile is playing on his lips and now he definitely only has eyes for Harry. Zayn decides that then is a suitable time to leave, slipping off his chair and paying for their lunch, returning back to the yellow explosion in Liam’s eyes with a far brighter smile than he had this morning. 

//

When Zayn left Louis at lunch, Louis had felt an odd surge of bravery. Like Zayn was that lifeline he has been clinging to but now that he has gone… he can do almost anything. He and Harry had not really discussed anything before Harry also had to return to work. They had both just kept repeating ‘ok’ until they ended up laughing at each other like idiots. 

The newfound bravery is the only reason Louis can come up with to explain why he finds himself marching into the record shop Harry works in. He spots Harry’s mop of curls straight away over by the second hand instruments. 

He sneaks up behind him and stands right on his toes so his mouth is level with Harry’s ear. 

“Hello” he whispers and watches bursts of goose bumps rise over Harry’s pale neck. 

He steadies himself with his hands on Harry’s hips and if his tongue brushes off Harry’s ear when he moistens his lips it was unintentional. 

“What are you doing?” Harry whispers, eyes searching for his boss manically as his stomach pools with heat when Louis brushes his thumbs under Harry’s t-shirt. 

“Something I should have done ages ago” Louis growls and licks from Harry’s shoulder back up to his ear, biting down on the lobe and squeezes Harry’s hips sharply. 

Harry grabs Louis’ hands and swivels him around, making Louis have to sink back down onto his feet. He stares up at Harry whose eyes have darkened considerably and feels the urge to capture those frighteningly pink lips in his own. So he does. He pulls Harry down by the scruff of his shirt and kisses him roughly. 

Harry moans into the embrace, pulling Louis even closer towards him, not giving a fuck about his boss anymore, and gladly opens his mouth when Louis’ tongue fights for entrance. 

“Follow me” Harry mutters when he pulls away and scans the shop before rushing over to the supply room. Louis cocks an eyebrow and mouths “really?” grinning evilly when Harry jangles the keys in front of him. 

“Well, if you don’t want to…” Harry sing-songs, starting to slip the keys back into his pocket. Louis panics and reaches out for them, groaning with frustration when Harry holds them up too high for him to reach. 

“Fucking get on with it, then” Louis huffs out, pulling his t-shirt back down over his exposed belly after being up on his toes. 

Harry chuckles before opening the door, dragging Louis in alongside him with a dark grin. 

Before Louis can adjust to his surroundings, Harry has him pinned against the door, shoving a leg between Louis’ thighs and devouring his mouth in one swift movement. 

Louis grabs his hip and hair, trying to pull him as close as possible, all while rutting against him. He lets his head fall against the door when Harry stars kissing down his neck, allowing him more access and he almost whimpers when Harry nibbles on his adams apple. 

Harry lets go of him for a moment and a light switches on. Louis looks around at all the abandoned supplies; CDs, records and instruments are amongst the mess and he finds a large speaker to sit on. He opens his legs and beckons Harry over with a finger and a raised eyebrow. 

Harry licks his lips and strips off, pulling his yellow t-shirt off quickly causing his curls to fall into his face in a way that makes Louis moan. He smirks at Louis before slowly unzipping his jeans and the sound of the zipper is enough to make Louis fully hard. 

“Hurry up” Louis grunts, making quick work of his own t-shirt and pulls his jeans down to his knees, not even caring that his boxers are tented or that he must look desperate.  
Harry only stares with a smile, shaking his hips to get his jeans over them, slowly dragging the black denim down his long legs and stepping out of them slowly. He stands there for a while, just scanning Louis and cups himself, rutting slightly until he starts to bite his lip. It drives Louis insane. 

His patience gets the better of him and he hops off the speaker, walking over to Harry and pulling him back until he is bracketing him against an upright keyboard case. Harry raises his arms so they are gripping onto the case and his head is hanging down, curls tickling Louis nose and he brushes his lips slightly over Louis’. 

He circles his hips and groans every time they brush against each other and speeds up, until Louis starts to moan in the back of his throat. He leaves his lips only brushing over Louis’; pulling away any time Louis tries to kiss him. 

“Fucking tease” Louis breathes out, hands reaching around to cup Harry’s ass. He thrusts into Harry and the younger boy clearly had enough of teasing, because he quickly reaches down and shoves his hand down Louis’ boxers. Louis doesn’t know whether to sigh or moan with relief when Harry’s ridiculously long fingers wrap the whole way around his cock.

Harry pulls his own lips into his mouth and if his eyes weren’t dark already, they are black now. He jacks his hand a few times slowly to get Louis riled up and he succeeds. Louis’ fingers are digging into his hips when Harry drags his hand back out, only to tug on his own cock a few times. Harry stares at him as he does and Louis has never felt so turned on in his whole life. He grabs Harry’s curls and tugs him down for a crushing kiss. 

They start to push against each other in a rhythm that just screams _harrylouisharrylouis_. It’s fast and passionate but uncertain, as if they are trying to outdo each other but in the most careful way. Louis finds it hard not to let his eyes roll in his head every time Harry swivels his hips and they grind against each other. 

Harry lets huffs of breath escape his mouth and they flutter across Louis’ cheekbones, he has a firm grip on Louis’ hips and continues to rub against him in the most delicious way. Louis loses it once Harry finally opens his eyes and grins at him. That grin that everyone has become accustomed too. He decides he never wants it to leave Harry’s face and he lets out a cry of what he hopes sounds like pleasure and comes all over Harry’s cock. Harry’s eyes widen and he speeds up, thrusting sporadically against the mess Louis made and bites down on his plump lower lip. 

“Styles, where the fuck are you?” they hear a loud shout from outside the door. Louis gasps and waits for Harry to pull away and for it to maybe get awkward but instead, it seems to spur Harry on. He lets go and looks at Louis like they are really fucking, makes sounds like they are really fucking and Louis has to clamp his hand over his open mouth before they’re caught. 

“Styles?!” the voice shouts again and Harry bites Louis’ fingers as he comes, bucking against him until he comes down off his high. 

“In here boss, be out now” he calls out, eyes twinkling as he looks down at Louis who won’t admit he is scared. 

“You better hurry up, we have customers” the voice replies and Louis holds his breath, expecting Harry’s boss to come barging in to find them naked and covered in each other’s come. 

“Sorry, I just like taking my time, I’m coming now” Harry calls out but his tone is laced with innuendo and he smiles lazily down at Louis and trails his hand from his ear to his lips. It’s a relatively innocent gesture but Louis shivers at the intimacy and brushes a small kiss over Harry’s fingers. 

The boss does not come into the room and it gives them time to quickly clean up and get dressed, both of them giggling over what they just did and eying each other coyly. 

“So I’ll see you later?” Harry says over his shoulder as he starts to open the door. 

“Yep” Louis answers and tries to not sound too hopeful. 

He spots Harry’s dimple before he turns to exit the room and Louis quickly slides out after him, praying to whoever can hear that nobody saw him. 

//

As Zayn serves a customer he spots Louis running up the escalator and into work in a flurry of bright colour. There is a skip to his step and Zayn wonders where exactly he has been. Putting two and two together he grins, punching the air and letting out a whoop before Dave practically shoves him into his half-finished piece. 

Zayn observes it silently, fighting the grin threatening to spread across his face. He never blows his own trumpet, but he can’t help admire his own work. His previous fear of adding the dash of yellow to Liam’s eyes is eradicated as he stares at the pair before him. They truly are beautiful.

When he starts to work on other aspects of the painting, he can’t fight the nagging feeling creeping up on him. This day is good, he knows that. But the way he and Liam left things rings clear in his memory. 

He tries and tries to paint the shadow Liam’s jaw creates on his neck but it’s useless. He throws down his paintbrush and waves at Dave lazily before walking over to the sports shop. He has no idea what he is doing exactly, but he strides in towards the counter where Liam is usually perched. 

He drums his fingers on the counter waiting for someone to show up, anticipation coursing through his veins. Josh is sitting on the case of basketballs, texting rapidly on his phone not paying any attention to Zayn at all. Other workers are dealing with customers and Liam is nowhere to be found. 

Zayn starts to pace the shop looking behind pillars where Liam could possibly be. It’s not until he hears Liam’s familiar chuckle resonate from the dressing rooms that he stops in his tracks. He takes a deep breath before poking his head around the corner. 

Liam is leaning against one of the stalls, that crinkly-eyed grin decorating his face in the usual breath-taking way. Zayn is about to call for his attention when the guy Zayn recognises from the party steps out from the stall. The guy who had practically sucked Liam’s soul out through his mouth. He is trying on the latest Man Utd. jersey, does a twirl for Liam and laughs when he earns himself a wolf-whistle. 

“It suits you” Liam murmurs and Zayn starts to back away, bile rising in his throat. Naturally, nothing ever going Zayn’s way, he stumbles on a shoelace and falls back into a large unsteady case of various sports balls. 

Everyone turns their head towards him when the balls fall out of the case and start rolling all over the shop. Zayn slips on a tennis ball in his effort to escape and ends up flat on his arse. 

“Zayn?” Liam rushes over and helps him up, staring around at the stampede of balls which are causing customers to run out in fear. Josh looks delighted, laughing when people stumble or fall and starts whooping when their boss storms out of her office. 

“Zayn, are you ok?” Liam asks. Zayn pushes him back. He feels self-conscious under everyone’s gaze and Liam’s is even more intense. His skin prickles from it and that asshole in the jersey is smirking at him. 

“Zayn?” Liam repeats, looking hurt but still concerned. Zayn’s face is alight and his eyes dart around the shop, looking at the mess he created. Which wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t fucked things up with Liam in the first place. He starts to panic, everything becoming too much. 

He holds his hands out to prevent Liam coming any further and tries to rush out, tripping over the balls rolling by his feet and nearly ending up on his arse again until he finally exits the shop. Dave is furious when he runs inside and towards the easel.

He almost rips it, _almost_. But Zayn doesn’t lose his temper like Louis does. He doesn’t automatically go into destruct mode. He calms himself. So he paces in front of the canvas and ignores the shining eyes that he last saw in real life looking at him with hurt. He squeezes his hands into fists and breathes in and out until his heart stops racing. 

“Zayn, you really are walking a fine line here” Dave grunts but does not press the issue when Zayn’s eyes flash scarily. “Get back to work”.

And he does but it’s no longer the yellow, it’s the black. The black iris, the black shadows. He jabs the brush in violently, almost scared that he might stab a hole in his masterpiece. 

He doesn’t stop until he feels Louis’ presence enter the shop and stop just at the door. He must have heard about Zayn’s embarrassing story of the day because he remains silent. Zayn can feel his eyes boring into his skin.

“So what happened with Harry?” he asks through gritted teeth. 

“How did you… well… I don’t really know?” Louis stammers and Zayn has to turn around to figure it out for himself. His eyes immediately zone in a light bruise on Louis’ neck and the flush on his cheeks. 

“You had sex with him in the record shop?” Zayn shouts, unable to contain his shock or amusement. 

“Not full on sex, no” Louis smirks and lets himself laugh when Zayn’s eyes widen. 

“Dirty bitch” Zayn snorts and puts his paintbrush down. 

“That’s beautiful, Zayn” Louis gasps when Zayn steps away from the easel, staring at the scarily life-like picture of Liam that Zayn is starting to resent. 

“Let’s go home” Zayn sighs, slinging an arm around the smaller boy, who curls into him instinctively. Zayn’s heart almost sinks when Harry is hovering by his car outside with a hesitant smile on his face. 

Louis stands to attention but does not cower from Zayn’s hold. Zayn waits for the usual confused expression that he and Louis usually earn from potential dates but Harry only grins at Zayn before running his hands through his curls. Zayn still hates him. 

“I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go out?” Harry starts and for the first time since Zayn met the kid, he sounds nervous. “I mean, out with me, like, on a date?” he finishes and turns a beetroot colour. 

Zayn feels Louis fidget beside him and can hear the internal battle going on inside his head. The fear, the excitement, probably the lust and want for this boy. “Where?” Louis asks and Harry grins evilly, reminding Zayn starkly of Louis himself when he has an idea. 

“You’ll have to see” Harry answers and Zayn knows that’s sold it. Louis can never resist a surprise. He starts to look up at Zayn almost like for permission, but Zayn untangles himself to begin the strife of opening his car door. 

He hears Louis mutter an agreement and spots Harry’s face-splitting smile in the reflection of the window. It’s cute. 

“I’ll be home later, Zayn” Louis calls over, and only Zayn could notice the question at the end. Zayn turns around and looks at him, nods with a smile before hopping into his car. When he drives beside the two, he rolls down his window and shouts “keep him safe” to no one in particular and speeds off with their laughter echoing in his head. 

/

For the first time in a long time, Zayn faces an empty flat when he gets home. He is surprised he is not upset or jealous about this. Usually he would throw himself down onto the couch and mope, wishing Louis was here instead of out with some asshole. But he likes Harry and he knows he could really love his best friend the way he deserves. So instead he busies himself with cleaning and doing absolutely anything he can to block out today. 

But he can’t. He keeps seeing Liam’s hurt expression when Zayn pushed him away. Zayn knows he must be confusing Liam. Fuck, he is confusing _himself_.

When he can find nothing else to clean, he picks up his phone and stares at Liam’s number nervously. He pretends he doesn’t already know the boys number by heart and presses the green button. He chews at a hangnail on his thumb while the dial tone abuses his ears. 

“’lo?” Liam answers in a low voice and Zayn glances at the clock. It’s only nine. 

Zayn gulps, panics. What if he is in bed with that absolute prick from the party. He is about to hang up but Liam already saw his caller ID, “Zayn?”

“Yeah, um, hi” Zayn answers and can’t remember the last time he took a breath. 

“I can’t really talk right now, I’m babysitting” Liam explains, which explains why Liam is talking quietly and the weight in Zayn’s stomach lifts. 

“Well, you can listen, right?” he imagines Liam nodding furiously “I was really out of order in the shop today. Well, I suppose I’ve been out of order a lot recently. I guess I just want to apologise and say that um, well…” and again, Zayn panics. 

He wants to spill his heart out, take advantage of the fact Liam cannot really speak. But the words jump around his head in a terrifying medley and his mouth dries up. 

“Well?” Liam encourages him with a whisper and Zayn can hear the ounce of hope in it and it makes him squirm. 

“I’ll be finished my painting tomorrow, I want you to be the first to see it” Zayn hurries out and it’s not really true but he had to say something. He imagines Liam nodding again, this time with that shy smile on his face. 

“Ok so, I don’t know whether you are agreeing or not but if you are, stop by the shop when you’re finished work, yeah?” and he hangs up before Liam can attempt to whisper something back. And then he rushes out of his apartment to the 24 hour shop for all the red bull he can get before returning back to work. 

/

**orange**

Orange is Zayn’s favourite colour. It’s vibrant, stands out, hard to mix with any other colours. It reminds him of all his favourite people. They all stand out in his mind for different reasons. Louis for being the most complex person he has ever known, Niall for being the most loving, his mother for being the most fierce and Liam for being, well for being Liam. He hates to admit that Josh and even Harry are making their way onto that list now too. 

And he never wants to mix them with anyone else. He wants them to himself. And they seem to want to keep it that way too. 

Nothing really bad can come of orange, Zayn reckons. It makes him oddly happy. It tastes nice too, orange being his favourite fruit. It makes him feel optimistic. 

He adds orange to the painting because it’s part of him, and he wants it there. So he adds an orange tint to Liam’s skin, makes it stand out the way it does naturally. He creates those crinkles by Liam’s eyes when he smiles, adds flecks of it to Liam’s monstrous eyebrows and blends it in with the various shadows on the canvas. 

He sleeps for three hours before Dave wakes him up. Dave who almost wets himself in fear when he finds Zayn curled up on the floor of the supply room. It takes a lot of coffee from Gina to calm him down and eventually he gets around to his usual angry torrent but Zayn ignores it and resumes painting. 

Louis stops by at lunch, not really knowing what Zayn is up to, but brings him food anyway and tells him all about his date with Harry. Which involved Harry making them a home cooked meal and proceeding to use the dessert in ways Zayn never wants to hear of again. He smiles wider than Zayn has seen in a while and Zayn has to take a break and enjoy this. 

“I’m really happy for you, Lou” he says before devouring his sandwich. Louis bites down on a smile and reaches over to punch Zayn’s arm. 

“Thanks” Louis says, staring at the painting instead of at Zayn. “I know I’ve been a coward in the past and without you I guess I’d still be one, and don’t bother telling me lies” he adds when Zayn opens his mouth with a frown.

“Do you… do you like him? Harry I mean” Louis asks and Zayn almost jumps when he recognises a rare emotion in Louis; nervousness. 

“As if I would let you frolic off with someone I didn’t like” Zayn rolls his eyes and sticks his paintbrush into Louis’ cheekbone. 

“Oi! I have to work and don’t need your goo all over me” Louis shrieks and hits him with his empty water bottle. Dave sticks his head around the corner and silences them with a murderous look. “Right, that’s my cue. I’ll see you later, oh and he is going to love it” Louis kisses Zayn on the cheek and glances at the painting before jogging out of the shop just as fast as he came in. 

When Zayn is finally finished his piece, he uses a light pencil to sign the bottom corner like he usually does. He pauses though. Zayn’s name on a painting of Liam. It’s his. And Liam could be his if he tries hard enough. He scribbles his name with shaky hands and hides in the supply room until Dave is gone. 

And then he waits. He doesn’t count how long for (23 minutes) and when Liam knocks on the window, he pretends to jump like he had not been waiting for him. Liam is wearing a pale orange jumper and Zayn grins at the coincidence. And grins at the spark of hope that lights within him. After all- orange makes him feel optimistic.  
He beckons for Liam to walk in and he does so nervously. 

“Listen, Zayn” he starts but Zayn waves him off- any arguing can be done later. 

“Right, I want you to stand outside and then I’ll unveil it” Zayn points at the covered up painting now in the front window. Liam glances at it and Zayn sees the flash of excitement and curiosity in his eyes. He turns back out of the shop and Zayn climbs up on a chair behind the painting so he can lift the cloth off. 

As he watches Liam hover nervously outside the window, he is struck with a sudden fear. What if Liam hates it or thinks it’s creepy? But he glances at the way Liam sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and rocks backwards on the heels of his feet and feels the burst of courage he needs. 

He lifts the cloth and throws it behind him and doesn’t even shy away from looking at Liam. He watches his eyes widen and his mouth form a small ‘o’ shape. Which all grow larger as his eyes scan the painting even more. He doesn’t look up at Zayn, just stares and stares. 

Zayn hops down from the chair and that fearful feeling is back again and he finally tears his eyes from Liam’s. He has not reacted in some time (3 minutes) and Zayn begins to panic. 

Then the bell over the door jingles and before he knows it Liam is grabbing him and backing him up against the counter. 

“Is that me?” Liam asks and his expression is furious, but it’s not anger, it’s something Zayn can’t quiet pinpoint. So he nods and gulps, feeling the way Liam’s fingers dig into his arms and stares up into his shining eyes. 

Liam moves his hands from Zayn’s arms to either cheek and brushes his thumbs over Zayn’s cheekbones. 

“It’s…” Liam starts but struggles to find the words to finish his sentence. Zayn fights to keep his eyes open and to not moan at the way Liam’s thumbs stroke idly across his face. He wants to lean up and kiss him, finally just do it, but Liam is staring at him so intensely that he is finding it hard to even blink. 

He hears Liam let out a small _“fuck”_ before he leans down and presses a small dry kiss to Zayn’s lips. When he pulls off he looks at Zayn again and this time his eyes are no longer shining, they are dark and hungry. Zayn’s breath hitches and he can’t quite believe what just happened.

Liam presses Zayn even further against the counter and clutches at his hair before diving back down. This time the kiss is passionate, both of them pouring out every pent up feeling they’ve been keeping in. Zayn melts. He finds himself being held up by Liam, clutching to his sides as he kisses him, wanting to both laugh and cry at the same time. Liam tastes like the perfect mixture of caramel and something so incredibly _Liam_ that it nearly makes his knees give way from under him. 

When Liam parts for air they both try to speak at the same time, rushing to get something out. 

“You first” Liam smiles and finally starts to blush. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a long time” Zayn admits and picks at some fluff on Liam’s jumper, not quite sure if he could handle the look in his eyes. 

“Me too” Liam murmurs against Zayn’s lips before pressing his own against him once more. They both smile into it this time and end up giggling into each other’s mouths. 

“We’re such girls” Zayn snorts and when Liam laughs he almost does a somersault around the shop. Making Liam laugh has become one of Zayn’s favourite activities. After kissing him he decides. 

“Let’s get out of here” Liam suggests and his careful tone makes Zayn want to squeeze his cheeks. Instead he just squeezes Liam’s hand and grabs the keys before locking up.

“You paint me way better looking than I actually am” Liam mutters as they walk past the window, taking one last look at Zayn’s painting. Zayn rolls his eyes and pinches Liam, pushing him towards the exit with an embarrassed laugh. 

/

Zayn doesn’t make it home until past 2am. He spent the night kissing Liam in his car. Making up for lost time. An exact quote from Liam himself.

When he strolls in on cloud nine, he doesn’t even care that Louis is naked on the couch and Harry is starting to shed clothes himself. He ignores their high-pitched shrieks and saunters into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of orange juice. 

“He must have taken something?”

“Should I call someone?” 

He laughs when he finally zones in on his surroundings. “I’m fine, guys”. 

He knows Harry and Louis are silently communicating behind his back and he hopes they are fully clothed before turning around to look at them. Harry must have rushed to get dressed because his t-shirt is on inside out and one sock is off. Louis didn’t even try; he is just using a cushion to hide his modesty.

“What the fuck is going on?” Louis questions, trying to decipher Zayn’s behaviour. 

“Liam kissed me” Zayn admits with a shrug and regrets it immediately when he finds himself being hauled into a group hug. He doesn’t know whose body parts belong to whom and pretends to hate it, moaning about his sore back when they end up in a ball of limbs on the floor. He doesn’t even care that Louis is naked and probably rubbing against him. 

“Niall owes me a tenner” Harry hoots before ruffling Zayn’s quiff and Zayn can’t even be angry over that. 

“Tell us everything” Louis hisses, keeping Zayn pressed close when he tries to escape. 

“A gentleman never tells” Zayn winks and flicks Harry’s lip when he pouts indignantly.

“We deserve to know all the details” Louis protests but Zayn only laughs before disentangling himself. “Whatever you guys were up to before, take it to Louis’ room or else we’ll have to burn the couch” he adds before walking into his bedroom. 

He lies awake for a while, replaying every kiss he and Liam shared in his mind until his body literally can’t take anymore. He ignores the seventeen calls from Niall but can’t resist listening to his voicemails. The boy is drunk and actually sobbing into the phone about how happy he is for Zayn. It makes Zayn want to cry himself and he laughs to himself when he hears Josh pry the phone away from Niall before the phone cuts out. 

// 

After a month of casual dates and what Louis describes as ‘romcom for 12 year olds kissing’, Zayn is finally in a happy place with Liam. Although that could be made better by actually having sex with the guy, Zayn couldn’t wish for anything better. Louis is adamant that he should just take Liam one night unexpectedly but the idea of that makes Zayn want to cry. 

He doesn’t know why, nor does he want to, but every time they tend to get anywhere past a quick wank, Liam tenses up and shies away. But Zayn is fine with the way things are. He doesn’t even care when Louis fakes getting sick and Harry gushes when he tells them he would wait for Liam forever if he asked. 

Dave has organised an exhibition for one Friday night in the art shop and of course he has Zayn running around like a headless chicken trying to get the place set up. He had also forced Zayn into showing some of his own work at it which was only disgustingly encouraged by Liam. 

Everyone shows up and Dave actually seems to loosen up even though Niall and Louis have already knocked over a few cans of paint stacked in the corner of the room. Even Gina has showed up to support the event and people hoard in and out of the ship for hours. 

Some people show interest in Zayn’s paintings, asking who created them and how much they would sell for. It does more things for Louis’ ego than his own, Zayn reckons. He struts around the shop like a little tour guide, showing the paintings off to anyone who will tolerate him. 

When Zayn is in the middle of talking Gina through one of his paintings, Liam walks up behind him and wraps his arms around Zayn’s middle. Zayn melts into it like always and continues talking to Gina who does not even pay attention to how the two of them are. 

“You should hurry up talking, because I’ve got a few ideas involving paint that are only on offer within the next half hour” he mutters in Zayn’s ear and kisses his neck lightly before unravelling himself from Zayn’s grip and strolling away. 

Zayn pauses during a sentence about different paint strokes and his mouth nearly falls open. He swivels his head around and looks at Liam but he seems to be in deep conversation with Josh over some other painting hanging by the window. 

“Zayn?” Gina looks at him, quite offended that Zayn had just trailed off into silence mid-sentence.

Zayn’s whole body has started to react to Liam’s words. He starts to rock up and down on the balls of his feet, wondering whether Liam is being serious or not or if Louis had spiked his boyfriend’s drink. But when he looks around again, Liam has a paintbrush in his hand and is holding it in a way that only Zayn would find the meaning behind. He quickly apologises to Gina and rushes over to where Josh is ranting about football and pinches Liam’s hip. 

Liam looks at him with his usual innocent smile. Zayn swallows a strangled moan, realising that Liam Payne is not as innocent as anyone ever thought he was. Zayn doesn’t want to interrupt Josh so he just tugs impatiently at Liam’s elbow. Liam, however, continues looking at Josh with that innocent smile and Zayn almost punches Josh to shut him up. 

“Sorry, I’m rambling” Josh huffs, blushing and looking around- probably for Niall. 

Zayn opens his mouth to confirm Josh’s suspicion but Liam shakes his head and laughs “not at all”. 

Zayn looks up at him and then at his watch, half an hour doesn’t seem that long anymore. Niall is over by the glasses of champagne and Josh waves over at him causing Niall to stride over with as many glasses as he can carry. Knowing that Josh is already distracted Zayn once again tugs at Liam’s elbow.

“Can I help you?” Liam quips, turning to Zayn with a secret dark look in his eyes. It makes Zayn’s heart pound. 

“Well… what you said…” Zayn trails off, suddenly nervous and shy under Liam’s gaze. 

“Yes?” Liam smiles and he is teasing Zayn- trying to make him squirm. 

“For fuck sake Li” Zayn ends up whining and tugs again on Liam’s elbow. He doesn’t really care how childish he may seem.

“Excuse us” Liam turns to Niall and Josh before placing his hand on the small of Zayn’s back and leading him out of the shop. 

“Where are we going?” Zayn asks as they walk out to the car park. 

“Yours”

“Mine?”

“That’s where all the paint is” Liam winks before hopping inside the car. Zayn nearly falls on his face trying to rush into the car after Liam and breaks several speed limits on the way to his flat. 

When they get inside Zayn is suddenly nervous and Liam is surprisingly calm. Like he had been planning this. It sends a thrill through Zayn. 

Liam strolls into Zayn’s bedroom and folds his jacket neatly before placing it on the bedside locker. 

“Take off your shirt and jeans and get on the bed” Liam says in a light voice as if he was telling Zayn to pop the kettle on. Zayn cannot even form words so does as he is told. 

“On your front” Liam hums as he roots through Zayn’s art box. Zayn lies down with his hands under his chin so he can watch what Liam is doing. Liam takes out a few pots of paint and a paintbrush before standing back up. He throws Zayn an easy grin when he catches him watching. 

“What are you doing?” Zayn finally finds his voice and his heart starts to race when Liam takes his own clothes off slowly. 

“You’ll see” Liam smiles and walks over to plant a quick kiss on Zayn’s forehead. 

After a few moments of thick silence, Zayn gasps when he feels Liam crawl up between his legs and straddle him. He tries not to react to the fact that Liam is currently sitting on his ass half naked but fails.  
“Liam-“

Liam shushes him and Zayn hears the crack of dry paint when Liam opens one of the pots. He gasps again when he feels something cold dragging across his shoulder blades. He realises that Liam is painting on him. 

“Fuck” Zayn huffs out and tries to turn his head around to watch Liam but Liam lightly pushes his face back down to the pillow. 

After a few more strokes with the paintbrush, Liam puts it down beside Zayn’s face and Zayn stares at the mixture of colours in wonder. The red and yellow paint mixing together to make a bright orange colour. He wants to see what his shoulders look like, what Liam created. 

Then he feels Liam’s finger drag a small drop of paint down the line of the back stopping just at the hem of his boxers. His toes curl when Liam keeps spreading paint along Zayn’s lower back; always stopping just before he can duck under the fabric of Zayn’s pants. 

“I’ve been thinking about this for ages Zayn” Liam finally speaks and his voice sounds wrecked. Zayn squirms into the mattress even more. “I’ve always wanted to see what your paint looks like on your own body. The colours on your skin, I wanted to make my own masterpiece, using you as my canvas” Liam continues in a voice so low that Zayn doesn’t even know how to handle it. 

He feels himself harden and moans into the pillow, reaching back to get his hands on any part of Liam’s body he can reach. 

“So fucking beautiful” Liam sighs as he spreads the paint into Zayn’s sides. Zayn moans even louder at the simple act of Liam cursing and louder again when Liam presses down against Zayn’s ass. He is hard himself and Zayn starts to squirm against the bed. 

“Turn me around Li” he begs, needing more than anything to kiss or touch him. He thinks that Liam won’t give in but he quickly turns him over, spreading Zayn’s legs with paint covered hands and slots against him. He grabs Zayn’s chin and tilts it up before kissing him in a way that Zayn doesn’t think he has ever been kissed before. 

When Liam breaks away he leans up on the heels of his feet and reaches for the blue paint. Zayn bites his lips as he watches Liam spread the paint all over his fingers. He starts to spread it everywhere in random patterns, his brow furrowed and lips pursed in concentration. His mouth pulls up in a small smile as if he catches himself, realises just how out of character he is acting, when he spreads the paint over Zayn’s nipples. 

Zayn’s hips buck up and when their barely covered cocks rub against each other they both let out an involuntary groan. Liam does it again, pinches Zayn’s nipple between his fingers and grins darkly when Zayn keens again. 

“Like that do you?” Liam mutters, pinching the other one and leaning down to kiss Zayn when he rises from the bed again. 

“Jesus Christ Liam” Zayn huffs out when he falls back onto the pillow. Liam lets out a quick laugh and puts the paint down, reaching inside Zayn’s bedside locker where he knows the lube and condoms are. 

He holds them up and cocks an eyebrow in question. Zayn gapes at Liam’s multi-coloured hands before nodding his head vigorously. Liam laughs again before swooping down for another kiss. Zayn deepens it, dragging Liam down by his arse, rutting up against him slowly and baring his neck for Liam to kiss. 

He trails his paint-coated fingers over the veins in Zayn’s neck, causing them to show up in vibrant colours and kisses the trail. He does it over and over until Zayn is panting and rutting up against him faster than before. When Liam licks a particularly sensitive part of Zayn’s neck, Zayn bites down on Liam’s shoulder. 

“Oh fuck” Liam blurts out and goes into a frenzy. He throws the paints away, lifts Zayn’s hips up off the bed and drags his boxers off quickly. Zayn is dizzy and can’t handle the look in Liam’s eyes when Zayn’s hard cock springs against his painted stomach. Liam makes quick work of his own boxers and goes back down for another kiss. 

Zayn squeezes his eyes shut when he hears the bottle of lube open. He refuses to open them when he feels Liam’s fingers press against him. 

“You ok?” Liam whispers in his ear and there is the familiar Liam back again. Zayn smiles and nods his head, trying to relax when he feels one finger slip in. Liam seems afraid to move his finger so Zayn swivels his hips and Liam takes that as permission, pressing in another few times before adding another. 

After three fingers, Zayn is a sweaty mess with his head thrown against the pillow and one hand gripping his headboard. Liam is ruthless, fucking his fingers into Zayn and murmuring his name over and over like a mantra. 

“Come on Li, I’m ready” Zayn says when he feels his stomach pool with heat. 

Liam doesn’t need any more encouragement and quickly puts on the condom and lines himself up. He looks down at Zayn and Zayn can see the hesitance in his eyes. Before he can doubt himself more, Zayn leans up on his elbows and brushes his thumb down Liam’s jaw and kisses him softly. 

“Its ok” he says and lies back down, wrapping his legs around Liam’s back and helps push him towards himself. 

Liam nods and the hesitancy leaves his eyes and is replaced with the dark glint that was there before. He grunts when he pushes into Zayn, eyes fluttering closed when he fills him up completely. Zayn almost blacks out and whines in the back of his throat. He digs his fingers into Liam’s back and shifts his hips again. 

Liam pulls out and pushes back in, setting a slow pace and kissing any part of Zayn he can reach. 

“Faster” Zayn breathes out and doesn’t even care if he sounds cliché. Liam doesn’t seem to either and grabs Zayn’s thighs, wrapping them around his back even tighter and starts to thrust into him even harder and faster than before. 

Zayn has to hold the headboard with two hands and grits his teeth, trying not to scream when Liam pounds into him relentlessly. Liam moves his hands to Zayn’s shoulders and pushes Zayn onto him in a rhythm to match his thrusts. 

Zayn watches as Liam looks down between their bodies with a look of intense wonderment. He starts to moan loudly, looks at the various painted patterns that decorate his skin. Liam looks up then and his fringe is plastered to his forehead, his lips are shiny and plump and his eyes are completely blown. It’s enough for Zayn and he shouts Liam’s name over and over again as he comes between their bodies. 

Liam watches him fall apart under him intently and moans. He pulls out of Zayn and tears the condom off, tugging himself three times before coming on Zayn’s stomach. He falls down beside Zayn and the only sound in the room is their heavy breathing as they collect themselves. 

Zayn turns his head and looks at Liam. Liam turns to him with a shy smile on his face. 

“Never again, will I let someone call you the innocent one” Zayn deadpans and they both start giggling, kissing each other through smiles. 

Liam cleans them up, telling Zayn he can shower properly in the morning to get the paint off and they both fall asleep with Liam tracing his masterpiece on Zayn’s skin.

 

/

 

The following day is a busy one for them all. Louis has to dress several difficulty positioned mannequins, Harry has a large shipment of second hand instruments gone missing, Liam and Josh need to reorder a whole new stock of football jerseys, Gina’s family from Italy are visiting and Niall is supposed to be on his best behaviour and Zayn is helping Dave clean up from last night. 

Zayn is surprised when Dave does not even ask where he got to last night and they clean the shop up faster than they ever have together. Zayn might even be starting to like Dave a little or maybe he is just feeling too friendly because he is still reeling from the night before. 

At closing time, Louis pops his head in the door and he looks exhausted but happy. Louis is always happy these days and Zayn has Harry to thank for that. 

“We all need something to eat I reckon” Louis says and Zayn gladly closes up and walks over to Gina’s. 

He kisses the top of Liam’s head and sits down beside him. Josh is sitting at the head of the table looking like he is moments from falling asleep. Louis and Zayn naturally take advantage of this and throw various items from the table at him. 

“Oi” Niall walks out of Gina’s with a tray of food “leave him”. 

Louis and Zayn stop, not having the energy to get on Niall’s bad side right now. 

“So what’s the plan for tonight?” Harry asks, pulling Louis’ legs up onto his lap and reaching over for his plate of food. 

Everyone shrugs and grumbles, too busy eating to care right now. 

“Zayn, you’ve got some paint on your neck” Josh points out and Liam splutters on his drink and Zayn is pretty sure he either smirks or turns a very bright shade of red. 

“We can all just hang out at mine” Niall suggests before nearly devouring a whole sandwich in one bite. 

Everyone nods their heads and they sit in silence. Zayn looks around and can’t help the surge of affection that rushes though him. They all looks so comfortable; Josh with his feet propped on Niall’s knee, Harry and Louis almost blending together as they wrap around each other and Liam running his fingers through Zayn’s hair. He feels like they were made for this. This easy friendship and love they all share. 

“Love you guys” he mutters, unable to help himself. 

Nobody even flinches or stops. Niall immediately says it back without looking up; Josh blushes a little before saying it back and Zayn spots him squeeze Niall’s hand under the table. Louis just smiles at Zayn and it’s almost private- one that makes Zayn’s heart flutter. Harry grins and his eyes are shining and he says he loves them with such earnest Zayn wants to hug him. 

“I love you too” Liam says, looking only at Zayn with that familiar colour on his cheeks. Zayn nearly bursts and leans in for a quick kiss, helpless to the wide grin that breaks out on his face. 

When they are finished Niall brings the rubbish back inside and hangs up his apron. He locks the door and they all walk out of Woodlands with their arms slung around each other.

**end**


End file.
